I will write an update post tomorrow!~
Friday, December 30, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Sometimes I still can't believe that I'm here. I'm in my living room, watching the hockey game, and there is the most beautiful baby asleep on by chest. I keep dipping my head to kiss his and breathe in that intoxicating baby smell. It is the best aroma in the world. We have our feet up in the recliner and snuggled up against the Minnesota cold with warm, soft blankets. This is absolute heaven.
Thank you all for your kind words! While we have a long road ahead, I am confident that Sully will continue to amaze doctors. We have an appointment with his cardiologist on Tuesday. We are lucky that his cardiologist from Children's comes to Duluth every Tuesday. We haven't seen the doctor for a few weeks & I can't wait to show off his awesome growth! Sullivan is 8lbs 7oz. He has gained 2lbs since birth. He is surpassing expectations. We were told that cardiac kids have trouble gaining weight, but not our boy! He is such a trooper.
He has even started sleeping through most of the night! The first time he did it, I shot out of bed and basically jumped in his bassinet just to make sure he was breathing. We are so lucky to have the world's best child.
I posted a picture of Sully. I thought I was attaching it to this one, but I didn't. I'm learning the Blogger app for my phone. Obviously it was an epic fail. LOL
Courtney & Sully
Thursday, December 15, 2011
As of my last post, you know that I was diagnosed with preeclampsia. Dr. S put me on bed rest on Thursday November 10th. I was so ticked. I really did not want to be on bed rest. He scheduled me for an ultrasound and possible amnio on Monday morning, November 14th.
The weekend went by incredibly slow. I was sore and tired and very uncomfortable. I started to get my back spasms back and that did not help me any.
On Monday morning, Robert and I packed my hospital bags, just in case. We headed to the hospital and met Dr. S for the ultrasound. As soon as the wand hit my belly, we knew that there was something up. Dr. S said that baby was ok but that my amniotic fluid was really low and they were going to prep me for a C Section. I was really nervous but I knew everything was going to be ok. We were sent to labor and delivery. I got set up with the fetal monitors, two IVs and a cath. The catheter was really no fun. It makes you feel like you have to pee your pants super badly.
At 2:30pm, I was wheeled to the OR. I couldn't believe that over two years of waiting, trying, and heartache, my little man was finally going to be here.
They gave me the spinal block (which doesn't hurt at all... I was surprised) and they strapped me down to the table. My blood pressure was 168/110 thanks to the good ol' preeclampsia, but I knew that it would be fine once I delivered. Once I was all in place, they let Robert in.
It is a really odd feeling to know that someone is slicing your body open and you are totally awake for it, yet you feel nothing.
I waited anxiously. Dr. S and the nurses gave me a play by play as they were doing the procedure. And then I heard it. That sound I had waited so long to hear... a big, beautiful cry.
At 3:18pm on Monday November 14th, 2011 Sullivan James came into this world weighing 6lbs 8oz and 18 inches long. It was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen:
Thursday, November 10, 2011
The protein testing they did on my urine, came back yesterday. The normal range is 28-141 and anything elevated above that is preeclampsia. My protein level was 623. Yea... I really got it up there didn't I?
Luckily, I got to speak to Dr. S's nurse, Heather, yesterday, whom I adore. At my biophysical profile ultrasound today, they are looking for four things, for a total of eight points. The four things are: Fetal Movement, Fetal Tone, Breathing and Amniotic fluid levels. Each of the four things are worth two points a piece, giving me 8 points.
Depending on what they see at this ultrasound at 11:00am, they can either decide to do a C -Section today, they could induce today or they could schedule either of those for next week. It looks like I am heading towards some bed rest. :-( I wasn't prepared to leave work so early, but I am grateful that I have such an amazing temp coming for me.
To be completely honest, I am scared to death. I just want him here and safe. I don't want to come this far and have something be wrong. I have tried so hard to have such a good, healthy pregnancy, and this is kind of making me feel like a failure.
I keep staring at the clock and hoping these next 26 minutes speed by so I can leave and go to my appointment. Send your prayers and positive vibes this way!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
I have lots to report this morning so let's see if I can get my crazy brain to remember it all.
I am spacing on if I have posted about this one nurse I don't particularly care for at Dr. S' office. I had her do my vitals one other time, about 2 months ago, and she was completely incompetent. She took my blood pressure and told me it was some ungodly high number and I pointed out that she still had air in the cuff. Miss Priss Ass denied any wrong doing and I had to come back the following day for another check, and shockingly, when someone completed the blood pressure check correctly, my blood pressure was fine.
Anyhey, I had Blondie yesterday and of course, my blood pressure came back 150/100. I just rolled my eyes and waited to see Dr. S. This is also where I am gonna say, hey! I am giantly pregnant, I have to pee like a race horse, I just waddled 2 blocks and the very first thing you do is take my blood pressure!? Gimme a minute, huh?
I had my appointment with Dr. S and everything looks great there. I am about a centimeter dilated and everything is on track. He shook my hand, said, "See ya next week," and I was on my way. Just as I had gotten my underpants back on, he popped his head in. He said that he was concerned about my blood pressure and because I was full term this week, he wanted me to go to the birthing center.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Now, I obviously don't mind doing what is best for Sully, but I knew that it was because this chick had no idea how to take a blood pressure. I shared my thoughts with Dr. S, but of course, it was better to be safe than sorry.
I called Robert and work and started to cry. I really was angry about having to miss more hours of work and because Robert was saving his time too, I knew I would have to go by myself. I moved my car to the hospital lot and trudged up to the birthing center. They ordered a urine test and blood work.
They took my blood pressure right away and it was already lower than the reading Suck Butt Nurse had gotten. They hooked me up to monitors and I got to listen to Sully's awesome heart beat again. I had a really nice nurse assigned to me at the birthing center. She was really chatty and sweet.
The attending doctor came in to talk to me as well and explain a little more that Dr. S was concerned about pre-eclampsia. I told her that I had had no other signs of it like swelling, headaches or blurry vision. In fact, I have been really lucky in the swelling department. She said that sometimes they catch it so early that you don't have those signs. AWESOME.
I waited almost 2 hours for my blood work to come back. They were checking for liver function and Creatin levels. My blood work came back normal. Sadly, there was a +1 reading of protein in my urine. FAIL.
My next step wasn't so pretty. The nurse came back in with a basin, a giant orange jug and a pee "hat." I was then instructed to go home, and put the hat on my toilet and use it to collect a 24 hour urine sample. I am sure my confused look caused her to elaborate further. I was to collect urine EVERY TIME I went to the bathroom for 24 hours. EVERY TIME. Are you kidding me?!
I packed up my goodie bag of pee collecting supplies and they sent me on my way.
I decided to treat myself to a soda a french fries. I mean, hey... I had earned it. I went home and collected for 24 hours. It was a giant hassle. Oh, and did I mention I had to keep it on ice? If I would have let it sit, it would have grown bacteria, so I had the jug, in the basin, surrounded by ice, just sitting on the hamper in my bathroom. G-Ross....
I dropped it off at the hospital lab and I am waiting on those results now. I should get the call after lunch.
I have a biophysical ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow at 11:00am. Depending on what the urine says and what the ultrasound says, Sully could be here as early as next week. I really hope that we can hold off until my mom gets here. Her plane gets in to town at 2pm on the 21st and I would really want her to be here. Obviously, we will do whatever is best for Sully, but I hope she can be here.
We will know more tomorrow and then be able to make a plan from there. I am excited to finally have him out in the world instead of constantly worrying about something happening with the pregnancy. And, I am back to vomiting every day so I am most definitely looking forward to that stopping. :-)
I am hoping I hear the urine results today so I am can quit worrying about it!
On a more positive note, I have my bag all packed for the hospital. Sully's room is ready to go and speaking of that, here are some pics:
Friday, November 4, 2011
I also can't believe I have doctor appointments every Monday now and if Sully isn't here by the 21st, then we will induce on the 23rd. That is a short 19 days away. I can't believe I have gone from counting down by months, to weeks, and now, days. Part of me thinks I won't have to be induced and he will come before that. I have been having a few small contractions here and there; nothing crazy. I also feel that when I go in for my appointment on Monday, I think I am dilated a little. I have been getting that pain in my lady station that they told us about in birthing class.
I am one of many people I know that are pregnant right now and some of them have started having their babies and I am anxiously awaiting my turn.
I have my last pre-pregnancy commitment tomorrow. Tomorrow is Women Rock and I am very excited for it. It is a big women's retreat and all the proceeds benefit breast cancer. It is a ton of work and I will be glad to put this year's event behind me. I an running slightly ragged and I am looking forward to being done with all of my prior commitments.
All of a sudden pregnancy brain has taken over, and I have completely lost my train of thought for this post. Oh well, I will have more to share on Monday anyway!
Have a good weekend all!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
I have a lot to update about but due to the renovations going on in my office, I am forced to use another office and it is not nearly conducive to to blogging.
I had my growth ultrasound today. Dr. S was thinking Sully was getting big and we were looking at induction.
Well, Sully is doing well and measuring spot on. My amniotic fluid was high last month and this month it is more in the normal range, which is good. My cervix is thinning a little and Sully is head down so much that I swear the ultrasound wand was on my thigh! He is all squished in there and in my mind, he looks like he is about ready to greet this big, old world. I got to see his little "practice breaths." We were able to see his little tummy moving as he was practicing his inhales and exhales. As always, I love hearing his little heartbeat. Mr. Sullivan is tipping the scales at almost 6lbs of cuteness!
The forward plan is I have a doctor appointment on November 7th, then again on November 14th and then another ultrasound on November 21. At the 21st appointment, if I haven't gone into labor by then, we will induce on November 23rd. That means no Thanksgiving dinner for Robert and I but it will give us the most awesome reason to be thankful. :-) I am hoping that I can hold off until then because Debbiemom isn't flying back into town from Florida until the 21st and I really need her here for the birth.
I can't believe we are literally less than a month away. I can't wait to meet him. I get more and more distracted at work every day. I think about Sully 24/7. That means I only have 20 days to work before Sully is here! I just gotta make it 20 more working days! WOOT!
Friday, October 21, 2011
I am so beyond excited that it is Friday. It has been another grueling week and I am ready for some R & R this weekend. My sister and niece are coming to stay with us this weekend and I am really excited to see them. My niece is chomping at the bit to feel my belly. I am hoping Sully cooperates with her and gives her a big kick.
We have a few final touches to put in the nursery and it will be complete. I will be posting pictures this weekend.
We also had the dreaded office baby shower on Tuesday. I was really not looking forward to it, but it ended up being OK. The cake was delicious and I ate my weight in taco dip. My coworkers got us cute little outfits and diapers and toys. One of the paralegals in our Pine City office even made this beautiful quilt. The stitching is so perfect and the quilt is adorable. It will be a perfect blanket for tummy time. The ladies in my office that convinced me to not cancel the shower even had little corsages made for K and I. And the cake was adorable!
Aren't they cute:
Here is a pic from last week, 33 weeks:
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
On Monday, I got to work and I was pretty stressed out. There is a ton of stuff left to be done on our house before Sully comes and for the next two weekends, we have family coming to stay with us.
I decided to leave work at noon and head home to get some things done and get a jump on it. I had been putzing around for a few hours. I was putting some weather stripping on one of the windows and all of a sudden there was a big gush of fluid. I reached down and my pants were definitely wet.
I stood there for a minute in shock. Did my water just break? I'm only 33 1/2 weeks. This can't be happening.
I finally shook off the shock and called Dr. S's office. They wanted me to come in right away and get checked out. There was no one to drive me in, so I told the nurse I was driving myself. She was not pleased about that. She asked, "What about your parents?" That caused me to burst into tears and pitifully say, "All my parents live out of state and I am all alonnnnnnnnnnnnnneeee." It was pretty pathetic.
I changed my wet pants, grabbed a bag of random items just in case, and got into the car. I focus better in panic mode, so I wasn't concerned about driving myself. My mind was racing. Then I thought to myself, when is the last time I felt him move? Had I felt him at all that day? I started to get really worried then. I know that the later you get in your pregnancy, movement decreases because they are limited space, but I was really worried now.
I called Robert and picked him up on the way into the birthing center. We got there and I was pretty calm and collected; until we got to the room and the nurse asked me what brought me in that day.
I completely lost it. I told her that I had leaked fluid and that I didn't think I could feel him moving.
I got into a gown and she put the monitors on me. The second his big, strong heartbeat came on the speaker, I cried even harder. That is the most beautiful sound in the world. The monitor also showed that I wasn't having contractions. Thank goodness. I was so panicked that my blood pressure was 158/100. I guess I was more upset than previously thought. We had to do that amniotic fluid test where they stick this huge Q-tip in your lady station and then mix it with this solution to see if there is amniotic fluid present. Luckily, the test was negative. So if it wasn't amniotic fluid, what the hell happened? The answer is beyond embarrassing, but I guess it happens all the time: Sully put his head into my bladder so quickly and forecfully, that I peed my pants. Yep... pissed myself. I didn't even get the urge to go. I just went.
I was so glad that he was OK, and that I wasn't in labor yet. The resident doc looked like Dougie Howser and was younger than me. He was incredibly nice, but it was slightly awkward. They decided to check me for dilation anyway. Did I mention I love being a human hand puppet? Haha I am not dilated at all and everything is 100% where it is supposed to be. The resident was concerned that my blood pressure was so high when I came in. I assured him it was just because I was so frantic. He went to recheck and just as I thought;;; 122/66. It is amazing what pure joy and relief will do to a blood pressure. :-)
I still have my appointment next week with Dr. S for the growth ultrasound. I was really nervous when he mentioned inducing me 2 weeks early if Sully is getting big, because I was scared of a C Section, but after this little episode, I am ready to have him out of the belly and see him be OK. Either way, I am getting so excited to meet him. This pregnancy has enough excitement!
Oh, and we did have that office baby shower yesterday, but I will post on that later.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Here is the 411:
I know I have posted on here that another woman I work with is also pregnant. She is also an IF mom. We'll call her K.
K had a miscarriage and then become pregnant. That pregnancy lead to the birth of her now soon to be 4 year old son. Shortly after his birth, she and her husband started trying again. There were nothing but troubles for her.
She and I spent the better part of 2010 comforting each other, supporting each other and struggling to get pregnant. During that time, she had four more miscarriages. It was beyond heartbreaking to watch.
Every time she got pregnant, she always told me right away but was always sensitive and caring; asking me if I was OK, and she hopes I wasn't sad. Of course I was always slightly bummed when someone got a bun in the oven and it wasn't me, but I was always thrilled for her.
I was also the one that always got the phone call when she was on the way to the hospital after she tell tale bleeding started that would always end in a D & C.
The Saturday in March that I found out I was pregnant with Sully, she was the first phone call I made. I remember how my hands shook when I dialed. I didn't want her to feel badly.
K was anything but bummed out for me. She was so excited and told me how happy she was. It was a relief. We had plans to go to dinner the next night so I was excited to sit and chat with her.
The next evening, we went to dinner and we talked all about this new pregnancy and what I could expect from maternity at work etc.
She was so kind and sincere.
Later that evening, Robert and I were sitting at home and my phone rang. It was K. I wondered what she was doing calling so late, but I picked up anyway. Her voice was full of excitement; she took a HPT and she was pregnant too!
K said that after we left the restaurant, she started thinking about her own schedule, and she realized that she too was late.
I couldn't believe it. Not only did we both get our miracles, but we were going to be pregnant together!
We decided to meet before work and run to the doctor to get blood work done, just to be sure.
We found out at that appointment that K was actually 3 weeks further along and had no idea. We were given due dates 3 weeks apart and sent on our way. This was just perfect.
K and I have both had ups and downs during our pregnancies, but so far, so good. While I have been vomiting like that girl from the "Exorcist," she has been having the most awful swelling in her feet.
We have once again supported each other, comforted each other and marveled at the sheer size of our bellies with each other. It is so exciting to have a friend being going through the exact same thing together.
Now, we are exactly one month from her scheduled C-Section and a short 7 weeks from my due date. I can't believe how fast the time has gone.
Here is where I need your opinion.
I work in a very small office. There are 12 of us in here, and everyone usually knows everyone's business. Most people in here are aware of my trouble's and K's troubles. Everyone was pleased to peaches when they discovered we were pregnant, let alone, so close together.
One of my other co workers brought up throwing a little office shower. A little cake, presents and a pot luck.
I was thrilled. I am just so grateful to be pregnant that any time someone wants to celebrate Sully, I am all for it.
The co worker planning it, let's call him P, is pretty much a social retard. He has no filter and is extremely arrogant. Part of me keeps hoping that somewhere deep down, he is a decent guy, but sadly, he always lets me down. I was a little leery of him throwing this shower, but he wanted to do it, so we let him have it.
Just as I thought, he started small grumblings about having to order the cake and coordinate everything etc. I blew it off, thinking it was his normal lack of filter at its finest. Then, came the double whammy.
After our office closed, he said he needed to talk to me. We sat at my desk and he proceeded to tell me that some people in this office felt angry that K was getting to be part of the baby shower, because they had thrown her a baby shower when she was pregnant with her 4 year old. They felt like it should only be a shower for me.
I was shocked.
People were angry?!
My first thought was that it was P being a jerk so I went into the office of my confidante at work and prepared to bitch. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that my confidante was one of the angry people. I asked her why she was angry and she then went on a rant on how "greedy" K was being and that she was "horning" in on my shower. She said that K was in a higher position than me in the company and that she should have stepped back and let me have the shower by myself because it was my first baby and because now people couldn't spend as much on a gift for me. Her face was red as we spoke and I could not believe my ears. Yes, I get that technically you don't have a shower with subsequent children, but these were obviously special circumstances.
I remember leaving her office that day and I felt totally crushed. I sent P and email and demanded that he cancel the shower. The next day, he came to my office and told me that he had taken care of it and everything was fine. I agreed to put the shower back on.
Cut to Wednesday night.
My confidante, L, was in her office, looking at my baby registry. She asked me to come in her office and let her know what I still would really like or need. I started pointing out some items when she started in about K again. I could feel my blood start to boil. L said that she was going to get me a small gift that was similar to what she was going to give K for the office shower and then give me a "real" gift in private.
That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. I looked at her and said, "Do you think this is all about presents? That all we care about is getting stuff?" In a fit of what I can assume was preggo anger, I grabbed my registry that she had printed, and I tore it up. I told her that she could buy whatever she wanted, but that I was going to return it. I told her that this is a time for celebration, and now it is being tainted. I most certainly did not want to celebrate Sully like this.
I walked out of her office and sent P a scathing email about how the shower was done and I didn't want to hear another word about it.
Thankfully, K had left for the day because I would never want her to know how people felt and how "adults" in our office were acting.
I ran into another coworker in the hallway, D, and told her that the shower for Tuesday was cancelled. When she asked why, I told her that I was sick of the grumbling and it wasn't worth it.
I went home and thought about it all night.
Yesterday morning when I got into work, I had an email from D and another coworker M. They pretty much knew how jerky P and L were being and decided that they were not going to dictate our fun. They both agreed that this is a special circumstance and all babies and mamas deserved to be celebrated. M and D decided to throw the shower instead of P and they took the reigns and basically gave everyone the finger.
We still are not going to let K in on the real reason that people are assholes because we would never want her feeling so badly.
So I ask you this: Who is right in this situation? Is is L, who believes that K should step aside and opt not to be involved with this shower and that she is being greedy by not stepping aside?
Or is it me, who believes that all there are special circumstances where someone may get a second shower? Where it would be wrong in such a small office, having two women pregnant SO CLOSE together, and deciding to only celebrate one? Where it is wrong to assume that all celebrations are about presents?!
I appreciate all your input ladies! Apparently L isn't the only one that feels this way and I am flabbergasted.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
These 33 weeks have completely flown by and I am getting more and more anxious to meet my son.
It still feels so surreal to say that. :-)
I had an OB appointment today. I had them test me for a UTI because I was feeling a weird feeling in my vagina. Not so much a pain, but almost like a pulled a muscle. It was really an awkward feeling. I was starting to have to pee even more in these past few days so I thought I perhaps had a UTI.
I haven't heard from Dr. S's office all day, so I am assuming that the test was negative.
Anyway, I asked Dr. S about this weirdo twinge in my lady station and he said that since Sully is head down, he is really pressing on my bladder AND sometimes the head causes a "charlie horse" in your hoo-ha.
Really? Now I have a Charlie Horse in my koo-ka? I swear, the weirdest things happen during pregnancy.
Dr. S assured me that it was nothing to worry about, and that it is just a part of it.
My belly is once again measuring bigger. ::UGH:: Haven't I already been through this? We discovered that it is amniotic fluid and tummy fat! :-) Dr. S wants to do another growth ultrasound on the 26th and see where Sully is at size-wise. If Sully is growing ahead of schedule, then we will talk about inducing me at 38 weeks, which is a mere 5 1/2 weeks away! I am not all that thrilled at the possibility of an induction. I heard most of them lead to a C-Section and I am trying to avoid that like the plague.
We will just see though. I not going to get myself in a tizzy until I know for sure. And we have already been through this before when they thought he was big last month.
Either way, Dr. S isn't going to let me go past 40 weeks because he doesn't want Sully to get too big. I may be OK with that. :-)
Either way, this little boy is coming soon or sooner!
I can't even wait!
Friday, October 7, 2011
It all started with Facebook. I am not one of those people that looks on Facebook with disdain. I don't take that crap so seriously. I mostly use mine to post funny statuses and keep connected with my family who lives all over this stinkin' country. Also, with my brother being deployed, we use Facebook IM to talk to each other when he can't get to a phone.
But this time, Facebook and I are at odds.
As I am coming closer and closer to my due date, my friends and acquaintances are deciding that they feel the need to offer "advice" or little quips to Robert and I. Whether it is a random wall post, or a comment on a status, people feel it is their duty or something to opine on anything having to do with a pregnancy or parenting.
Lately, little comments have been rubbing me the wrong way. I usually brush them to the side, but last night was kind of the final straw. Robert and I finished our 3 day long birthing class. It had been every night after work for three days, and it was 3 1/2 hours each time. It was painfully long and the chairs were so uncomfortable. And staying up past 10pm for three days in a row, really took its toll on me. I actually overslept this morning. I know birthing classes seem dorky, but it was really nice to know what to expect and what to do when I actually go into labor. I didn't know if I was supposed to call Dr. S, was I supposed to go to the ER, what were we supposed to do? It was also nice to get preregistered for Sully's arrival and know what to expect after I give birth and what pain management options there were. We even got a diploma and little feeding organizer. The people were really nice and the birthing suites are really nice. My city isn't a giant metro area so we don't have tubs in our birthing suites but each room has a private shower that I will be utilizing.
Anyhow, back to my anger. So last night, after completing this class and being slightly excited about it, I posted on my Wall how excited I was that Robert and I "graduated" from birthing class and we had received our "diploma" and now we were ready bring it on. Mere minutes after my status update, people starting commenting on it.
Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom that people decided they needed to share:.
"Diplomas don't mean shit to guys."
"So whattaya gonna do? Frame it?"
"We will remind you about that statement in the middle of labor."
"Or we will remind you when you child is screaming and telling you no."
Nice huh? No comments telling us how excited they were for us, or how cool it was. Just that kind of snarky scrap. Let me tell you, it has really gotten to me today. I thought about it for most of the night and all day today. I was contemplating writing a snarky status to kind of be a passive aggressive asshole, but I decided against it. That would make me just like them.
It really does hurt me though.
I mean, do you think I really care how tired I am going to be? Do you really think that I am going to hate the sound of Sullivan screaming? Really? Do you really think that I am going to wish I was never pregnant because labor isn't gonna feel as comfortable as a massage?
The answer is no. All those things are fleeting. He is not going to scream his head of all day every day until the end of time. I am already tired now so it doesn't really matter if I continue to walk around like a zombie. Obviously I am doing OK if I have managed to only miss 1 day of work while still being the chair of two volunteer events. And labor doesn't last forever. You aren't in labor for months at a time. It is 2011 for the crissake and there are epidurals, IV meds, peracervical blocks and so on and so forth. Why are people so amped up about how bad labor is going to be? Do they really hope I have a bad labor? Do they need the gratification of being, "Haha mother effer! Hurts like a bitch huh!?"
Part of me wishing that everyone knew about the struggles Robert and I had to endure. Not for pity, but maybe for sensitivity. Maybe if people knew how terrible it was, they would be more inclined to be our cheerleaders instead of jeering from the sidelines.
Then the other part of me knows that I wouldn't want everyone to know. And I most certainly wouldn't have wished our issues on anyone. I wish nobody had to endure hurt like we did; like other IF moms and couples have to.
I would never want someone to know what it is like to fall to your knees on your bedroom floor with your last round of Letrozole, crying so hard you are dry heaving and praying to God to please, please, please come through and help you have this blessing. Hoping and praying that this is the cycle it happens. Pleading that this is the cycle that you get your miracle.
I would never want anyone to fake a smile when your are told by a friend that she is pregnant on the day you learn that you no longer are.
I would never want anyone to have to look at her husband and show him yet another pregnancy test is negative and feel like a failure.
I would never want anyone to have to know what HSG, IUI and IF are acronyms for.
I would never want anyone to have that hurting, aching, yearning feeling like I had for so long.
I would rather have them feel the complete and utter joy I feel when Sully wakes up in my belly in the morning. He is kicking and squirming and letting me know how happy he is.
I would rather have them be as excited as I am to welcome this new little boy into this world.
I would rather have them feel the immense amount of happiness that I feel everyday I wake up next to my amazing partner and have to move the pregnancy pillow so I can get out of bed because my big, swollen belly is housing my son.
I would much rather have that.
I think of myself as so blessed to be carrying Sully. I look at my belly and I can see it jumping around under my shirt. I think that is such an amazing feeling. I can't wait to be able to hold him in my arms, kiss his little cheeks and let him know how much I love an adore him.
Robert and I may not be millionaires or royalty, but I will make it my life's goal to make sure that Sully knows everyday that he is loved and that he is special.
I want him to feel secure and safe.
Most days I look back to that night I spent on my knees on my bedroom floor. I don't think I have ever cried or prayed that hard in my life. I clutched that cycle of Letrozole like it was made out of solid gold. I remember talking with God and telling him all the wonderful things that Robert and I had planned for our babies, and what I would do if he helped me out here. I remember a feeling coming over me as I climbed into bed. Like maybe God had heard me.
Less than a month later, we found out I was carrying Sully.
I guess I hadn't realized how much this had all been building up. Even now, the tears are coming in a mixture of remembrance and appreciation. I am just so lucky.
So all the advice givers, nay-sayers, non-supporters and jerks; please think before you offer unwarranted opinions
To all the women out there still struggling; hang in there. Have faith. Be strong.
To all the women that are pregnant now; be healthy. Have faith. Be strong.
To all the women who are already mothers; feel blessed. Appreciate what you have.
To my husband, my partner and Sully's father; you are amazing. I don't know how I could have survived this without you.
To Sully; keep kickin' pal. We have less than 8 weeks until your due date and I can't wait to see you. Daddy and I are fixing up your room this weekend. We love you, buddy!
To everyone else; keep the faith.
"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life. You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes; with your right hand, you save me."
Thanks again, Lord, for being there that cold, and now miraculous February night.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Weight gain/loss: I am up another 1 1/2 lbs this month! Wahoo!
Maternity clothes? Yep. And sadly, most of my shirts ride up throughout the day so I am have been showing a lot of midriff lately. It really isn't a pretty sight. :-)
Stretch marks? I am getting a few more now. They were just around my scar for the longest time, but now that I am really pushing out my belly, I am getting a few on top of my tummy.
Sleep? Kind of..... I am getting up about every 2 hours to pee still. I won't cut down on my water consumption though because I am absolutely convinced that it is the only thing keeping me from getting swollen feet. I chug water all day at my desk. And, I am still dealing with some sciatica which makes sleeping kind of impossible.
Best moment this week? Having a girl's shopping day on Saturday with Meghan and Baby Lily and then having a football party with the Kimbers on Sunday! I love spending time with that little peanut!
Food cravings: I am still eating those organic Braeburns like they are going out of style. Yesterday, I ate 3 of them. I really don't know what it is, but I can't get enough. I suppose that is better than eating my weight in ice cream.
Gender: Sully is still a boy! :-)
Belly button in or out? Still technically an innie. I am getting nervous that it will poke out all the way, but fingers crossed that it doesn't.
Movement? Oh yes. His movements have been getting stronger since he is bigger now and it feels more cramped in there. I am told that movements become less frequent when space gets cramped so I hope that doesn't freak me out.
What I miss? Sleep.......
What I'm looking forward to: We have our childbirth classes this week! Robert is kind of nervous still and I think this will be a good chance for him to ask questions and get a tour of the maternity wing. I am also going to preregister at the hospital. AND we are FINALLY starting renovations on the nursery! I will be posting lots of pictures when it is done! Keep your fingers crossed that it goes smoothly!
Milestones: Being in the single digit weeks away from delivery... these next 8 1/2 are gonna fly by.. :-)
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
It has been a really crazy few weeks. We had our baby shower in Minneapolis with Robert's family this past weekend and it was a lot of fun. His family is thrilled to pieces about Sully upcoming birth and it is nice to feel so loved.
Our niece Jourdan is thirteen years old. She is in the midst of the total Teen Queen thing. Lots of over done make up, boy drama and Justin Bieber. I didn't think for a million years that a baby shower would appeal to her; but she was so excited to come. Jourdan had been asking me about Sully and Sully's room and wanted to know all the colors I wanted for it. I knew she was up to something.
When she got to the party, Jourdan asked that I open hers last because she wanted me to wait.
I opened up adorable clothes, the perfect set of bottles, baby monitors, teethers and countless little socks.
When it came time for the last gift, I thought Jourdan was going to burst.
What I opened was the most adorable baby blanket that she had made all by herself. It is a felt tie blanket and she had done it all perfectly. She was so proud of herself. I had to wink back a tear because I could not believe that this 8th grade diva had taken a break from Bieber-Fever to make this beautiful and special blanket for her new cousin. It really made my day.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I am feeling a tad on the huge side this morning. One of my favorite maternity shirts no longer covers my belly. I thought it was absolutely hilarious that I pulled it on and when I turned around to check out my hotness in the mirror, I could see a big swath of pale, belly staring back at me. Apparently I need to get a few more work shirts!
This past weekend, we had our 1st baby shower. The whole day felt so surreal. I had waited so long to get my chance to be the one that was pregnant and having the baby shower; not the helpful friend throwing the baby shower. I could barely sleep on Friday night. I felt like a little kid that was waiting for Santa to come and bring the coolest things ever. I woke up ungodly early and spent extra time doing my hair and makeup. I wanted to look perfect.
When I got to my grandma's I could barely hold in my excitement. I actually had to excuse myself a few times because I thought I was just going to completely lose it and start crying. Tons of my friends and family came. We had a big brunch, told stories and everyone rubbed my belly talked to Sully.
I was blown away by how generous everyone was. Sully made a haul! We got the cutest clothes, blankets, diapers and toys ever! My grandma got us the car seat and stroller. We actually had to have my aunt follow us home after the party because not everything would fit in our car!
When we got home, Robert and I sat on the couch and took the tags and packaging off of everything. I wanted to lay everything out and just look at it. I was imagining putting on his little overalls, and having tummy time on his new playmat. It was so wonderful. Robert was even smiling ear to ear as he took the tags off his little, sports onesies. We decided to put the stroller together so we could get the box broken down. (Hey! It is recycling day! I didn't want all that cardboard in the house!) This is the part where I should tell you that the directions on this assembly, were ridiculous. The diagrams are about an inch high and the instructions don't really tell you how to put it together; it just said, 'Snap! .... into place!" Well, it didn't really go like that. :-)
There was some cuss words coming out of Robert's mouth and I was sitting on the couch giggling. Ever now and then he would shoot me a light hearted stink eye until finally.... victory!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Weight gain/loss: My doc said I was down to pounds from my last visit, but my weight has fluctuated so much with the hyperemesis. As long as my boy is healthy, I am OK!
Maternity clothes? Oh course. The real funny thing today was that some of my underpants are getting snug now... haha.
Stretch marks? Yep, but not terrible. The ones around my tummy scar are already fading a little, but I did notice a few new ones on my tatas.
Sleep? That part is getting tough. I have been dealing with a little bit of sciatica lately so sleeping it kind of uncomfortable sometimes. And because I chug water like an Olympic sprinter, I spend the majority of my time peeing.
Best moment this week? Passing my GD test! I was really worried about that so I was relieved to find out the both Sully and I were super healthy!
Food cravings: I had a giant pickle craving today that made me feel like a huge cliche, but luckily my friend owns a deli down the street from my office so I scooted my butt down there at lunch and she was more than happy to oblige. And, I have also had a hankering for 888 dip! My mom and aunt starting making it years ago and it is DELISH! It is equal parts (usually 8 oz, thus 888 dip) of cream cheese, con queso, sour cream and canned chicken. I usually use half the amount of chicken. Then you put it all in a crock pot and let it all melt together. Eat it with tortilla tips and you will swear you died and landed in cheesy heaven!
Belly button in or out? It is still about half and half.
Movement? He is really finicky. He doesn't like my arm resting on my belly, and he quiets down at night now. He is active almost all day while I am at work and hits me in the bladder at least fifty times a day while I am at my desk. :-)
What I miss? I still only miss sleeping on my tummy.
What I'm looking forward to: My first baby shower is Saturday! It is finally my day! I am pretty sure my mom is getting me a tiara....
Milestones: Hitting my third trimester!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I can't even believe it sometimes. I am actually in my third trimester and Sully will be here in less than 12 weeks. It is still so surreal.
I had my 28 week check up and GD screening done yesterday. I was dreading drinking that stuff because I had heard absolute horror stories about it and since I just stopped vomiting, I was nervous that it would make me sick. I also was panicky because I most certainly did not want the complication of gestational diabetes.
To my surprise, the drink wasn't that bad. It was icy cold, which I think helped, and I got the lemon lime variety. It just tastes like fountain pop syrup. I thought I was going to have my appointment during the hour I had to wait, but they were completely backed up, so I had to park it in the waiting room and catch up on celeb gossip in the pages of People.
There were five of us preggos in the waiting room doing the GD screening. We all thought that it was funny that there was so many of us, so one of them joked, "Hey, maybe we should turn this into a drinking game. Anyone up for quarters?"
It was a nice laugh for some of us who are always tense at the OB.
After my timer went off, the nurse pricked my finger and took my blood. I swear, I was sweating like a whore in church while I was waiting for that little machine to beep and tell me my fate.
Luckily, I passed with flying colors! Woot woot! No GD for this lady! I was really relieved.
After my blood draw, I met with Dr. S and a nursing student. I generally don't care to have strangers in the room but after all my IF stuff, my dignity has basically flown the coop. And, this girl seemed really nice.
He measured my belly, listened to Sully's awesome heart beat and checked on how things had been going with me. He was thrilled to hear about my glucose and my hemoglobin. I guess most pregnant ladies have a tough time mainting their hemoglobin and it dips below 11, but mine was holding strong at 15.6 so he was impressed by that.
He decided to do a growth check at my ultrasound in 2 weeks, (yep... I will go in every 2 weeks now... )
because my belly is measuring a week ahead, but since I had a belly prior to getting pregnant, he wants to see how much of my belly is Sully and how much is me. :-)
At this point, I am thinking that no appointment can get better than this and I am ready to walk about the door and call my troops with an update, when Dr. S throws the curve ball. Seeing as I am now in my third trimester, they are going to start checking me for dilation. Ugh. I really hate having someone elbow deep in my vag at 8am. Both Dr. S and the med student gave it a go before it was discovered that my cervix is too high and they needed to use the internal ultrasound to check dilation. I don't think I have even been more grateful to see that wand in my life. The manual check was very uncomfortable.
I am not dilated at all and everything in that area is in excellent shape.
I still can't believe that I will be going every 2 weeks now, and then every week! It is getting so close. :-)
I also tried my hand at being crafty. Those who know me in the real world know that I just don't have a knack for crafts, but I knew I wanted to do something special for my little boy. I waddled my preggo behind into Michael's and bought a little plaque, and some paint, and some wood glue and letters, and here is the final product:
Monday, August 29, 2011
I have attempted to post about nine gazillion times in the past two weeks and I have been thwarted every time. I have my post saved but I hate when people don't blog for a long time because I always expect the worst.
But no worries here. :-) Baby Sully and I are cooking right along! Here is a quick update:
How far along? 26 weeks, 2 days ... only 96 days to go! :-)
Weight gain/loss: My hyperemesis has been really bad. Out of the 6lbs total that I have gained, I lost almost 3lbs. Thankfully, I have put 2lbs of them back on.
Maternity clothes? Yeppers. For the small amount of weight I have gained, my belly is a behemoth!
Stretch marks? A few. I'm pregnant, it's expected.
Sleep? I am still getting up every two hours or so to pee. I am really focused on staying hydrated, especially with all the vomiting so I basically chug water all day, which leads to peeing all night.
Best moment this week? Getting a Minnesota Twins Pillow Pal for Sully, having the first few things off the registry delivered and having Sully jump! Quick story: Robert and I were driving to Minneapolis this weekend to see his folks. On the way down, I was feeling icky so I was kind of reclined in the seat. It was kind of quiet in the car and all of a sudden Robert put his hand on my stomach and said, "How's it going in there buddy?" And he must have scared Sully because he just jumped around all startled! It was pretty funny!
Food cravings: I am still eating red, white and blue popsicles like they will be banned.
Belly button in or out? I have a really cavernous belly button so I assumed mine wouldn't poke out but recently, my innie is moving slowly toward outie status.
Movement? Oh yes. Especially and night and when I first get to work. He is also super active after I throw up or, when I am talking about presents for him.. I think he will be like his mama and like presents. :-)
What I miss? Making it through a day without vomiting. It is really taking a toll on me now.
What I'm looking forward to: September! I have my two baby showers and we will be officially in the third trimester! I can't believe it!
Milestones: We decided, after much deliberation, that we were going to not use the daycare that we had originally picked, and go with our first choice. It is more expensive, but it is the one I wanted in the beginning. So, having that all ready to go makes me happy! :-)
Monday, August 15, 2011
I can't believe we are already at our 6 month check up! Crazy! I always get a little anxious before my appointments, but this this time it wasn't so bad because Sully was kicking me like crazy this morning so I knew he was still there. :-)
Everything is going along very well! Sully is measuring exactly on schedule and he is weighing in at almost 2lbs. His heartbeat was a healthy 157bmp and he looks like an adorable baby! The ultrasound tech kept commenting on how active he is! He definitely has a ton of energy. We also got the most ADORABLE ultrasound pic of him. Now that my brother is overseas, I want to make sure that I keep him as updated and close to feeling like home as possible. I wanted to make sure I got some pictures to send to him and I was so excited when the tech snapped this little gem:
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Sully and I are chugging right along. I am growing out of some of my clothes which is pretty sad because they were my first maternity clothes and they were so cute! I have my next appointment on Monday and I can't wait to get another peek at my boy. I am hoping we can get a picture of his cute little face! :-)
How far along? 23 weeks 3 days
Weight gain/loss: I am up 2lbs! That is really exciting since I have been still having a crap ton of nausea and vomiting.
Maternity clothes? Yep. Still have my clothes as well, but as soon as I get home from work, I bail on my work clothes and immediately put on a big t shirt and comfy pants. :-)
Stretch marks? Actually, except for the wicked ones around my scar, I don't have many yet. Maybe that is one of the perks to being chubby.
Sleep? I get up about two or so times a night to go to the bathroom. I try not to drink a whole lot at nighttime but I do drink TONS of water throughout the day. I probably gulp down five full Nalgene bottles full. My carpal tunnel is worse at night so sometimes I wake up because my hands and arms are numb so I have to stretch and shake them. Also, I have to have the AC on full blast because I get so hot at night; and I hate that.
Best moment this week? Every moment I feel Sully kick is a great moment. :-)
Food cravings: I am still eating Popsicles like they are going to be outlawed, but nothing new to add to the list!
Gender: BOY! :-)
Belly button in or out? I still have my innie!
Movement? Oh yes. I wish that my placenta wasn't blocking the kicks to Robert could feel, though. It was funny because I was at the supermarket on Sunday and he was really kicking and swimming around while I was walking so it was totally awkward to be walking around and having him move, while I moved and I almost felt off balance. It was a little weird!
What I miss? Only tummy sleeping....
What I'm looking forward to: I am going to the Munchkin Markets next Friday to stock up on some clothes and other things. I have my next appt on the 18th and we are going to get some more pictures of our handsome little guy. And my in laws are throwing a baby shower for me on Sept. 24th. I can't believe it is finally MY baby shower. It is still so surreal sometimes.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
WARNING: I WILL BE DISCUSSING MORNING SICKNESS.
This morning has been a little rough. I had a tough time sleeping last night and I have been up and about since 4am. I had a touch of tummy trouble and had to go to the bathroom promptly when I got up. I generally don't get up until 5am so that lost hour is really making me a hurtin' unit. I was pretty nauseated after I got up, and I know I should have eaten something, but I was so tired. I tried to lay down again, but I could barely sleep. I decided to drag myself outta bed at my normal hour and I instantly regretted it.
I was hittin' the decks gagging.
I did my normal routine and made Robert's lunch and my breakfast. Of course I had to pause a few times and puke and heave over the sink. I ate my breakfast and hoped everything would stay down. I tried my deep breathing and relaxation techniques. Nothing seems to quell my belly. Midway through getting dress, Sully decided he didn't want to hang out with the waffle I ate for breakfast.
Robert is always so comforting when I am sick. You'd think he would be repulsed by my constant toss-age of cookies, but he always stands by me and lets me know that everything will be fine.... even if it happens to come out my nose.
I was told that when Sully goes through a growth spurt and rubs up against my stomach, that my stomach churns and makes me sick. Well now that I am well into my second trimester, he is going to be growing like crazy for the rest of my pregnancy so apparently I better get used to being sick without a reprieve. The Zofran is still helping, but I try not to take it every day. I try to only use it when I really need it... like today.
I am also retaining a little water today so my face is feeling pretty fat. I threw on my comfiest work outfit and I am praying I make it through the day without having to hang my face over my garbage can.
Hope you ladies have a good Wednesday!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
So let's recap:
I am 22w3d today. We are chugging right along and the belly is getting big. Sully is mostly active in the morning and around the evening time when I am laying down to rest. I wish Robert was able to feel him moving like I do, but with my placenta seated on top, Dr. S said that it acts as an extra cushion and it may be difficult for Robert to feel from the outside. :-(
We also had our annual family reunion this past weekend. We spent three glorious days being lazy at the cabin. I love the reunion. It is nothing but family, games, music, swimming and wayyyy too much food. It is pretty much the bees knees. And they weather cooperated with us for the most part and brought sunny, warm weather.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Sully is an active little boy. It feels like he is swimming laps in my tummy. I still get nauseated sometimes from all the movement, but I have been getting better at controlling it. He must know I am writing about him because he has started his swimming around!
How far along? 21 weeks, 3 days.
Weight gain/loss: I am one measly pound above my pre-pregnancy weight. Since I am still battling the nausea, I have lost and gained the same 10lbs since the beginning.
Maternity clothes? Mostly. I am still wearing a couple of my old dresses, but otherwise, it is all maternity. I did notice this week that my favorite maternity shirt that I bought about a month ago is too small for my belly. It starts to ride up if I wear it. Sad...
Stretch marks? A few. Like I said before, my stomach scar is making some pretty gnarly ones.
Sleep? All the time. :-) I get up quite frequently to pee thanks to this little guy, but otherwise, I am sleeping all the time... and usually by 8:30pm. :-)
Best moment this week? After a few weeks of feeling Sully's little movements, I felt a good, hard kick on Saturday.. I loved it. Oh and nonpregnancy related: My baby brother landed in Kuwait and I finally heard from him today. We IM'ed for a few minutes and I cried. Let's pray this year speeds by.
Food cravings: Nothing specific this week but last week had the nausea almost every day so this week I have a pretty ravenous appetite!
Gender: It's a BOY! Hooray for Sullivan!
Belly button in or out? In, thank goodness!.
Movement? Every day.. I love it.
What I miss? I still miss sleeping on my stomach.
What I'm looking forward to: 25 weeks... and viability. And of course, I always look forward to my appointments so I can see how awesome my little prince is growing.
Have a good Monday ladies!