With a little help from my friends.

This weekend was kind of difficult for me.  After all our struggles, I am overcome with a myriad of new emotions.  Pangs of sadness, jealousy, anger, determination, and it is all over my empty uterus. 
I had my friend's baby shower this weekend.  They are the friends who told us they were pregnant the day I suffered my first loss.  Although I am pleased to pie for them, the fact that it all happened on that day makes the memory a sore subject still.

I was anxious all morning about it.  I definitely overcompensated my feeling by buying her tons of stuff!  I bought the hamper off her registry and filled it with an ear thermometer, every baby medicine I could find, a nose sucker, and a Star Wars onesie that says, "Jedi in Training."  I was at Helen's before the shower and she decided that I needed to go out afterwards to get my mind off of things.  I was grateful for that good idea!

The baby shower was at a girl's house, whom I have never met before.  I just really hoped that I could come off as my cheerful self.  The beginning of the party actually was OK.  The girls were funny, the house was cute, and Meghan looked positively glowing in her sweater.  Meghan is the envy of all pregnant women.  She has a cute little belly and has not gotten chubby at all.  You could also tell that she was sublimely happy.   I was finally starting to feel at ease and then, the double whammy.  Two more girls came in who were pregnant too, all at different stages.  I felt like looking up to God and saying, "Really?  I mean, Really??!  One preggo wasn't enough?"

I fought off that gut punch and enjoyed the rest of the party.  I got into my car and thought I had come out unscathed, but then they came.  The tears.  And ya know what?  I let them flow.   I am fully aware that I should not let these types of things get to me and I should just let it go.  Trust me, I know that.  But sometimes, that is just better in theory.  Sometimes I need a good cry.  And that is what I did.... all the way back to Helen's house.  Helen must have sensed that I was on the edge and just took over.  She did my make-up, dressed me up all purdy, and we headed out. 

One thing I am eternally grateful for, is my amazing group of friends.  It is so nice to be able to walk into a place, and get sincere and giant hugs.  I spent the evening playing pool, laughing, dancing, and watching an over imbibed Helen. They completely took my mind off of things and made me feel awesomely adored.  Thanks guys.  I hope they know how much they mean to me and that they may my weekend that much brighter.  Helen, Ben, Ian, Josh.... love you.

I spent Sunday cooking, relaxing, and watching movies with the World's Greatest Husband.  Sad to say though, we watched the new "A-Team" and it was pretty much lame-city.

Another week is upon us and I am feeling very scattered today.  I overslept and spent the morning in a scramble-fest.  I really hate that.  Needless to say, my hair is a nightmare today.  :-)

~Courtney