Fake it 'til you make it

Fake: adj.   Not genuine, fraudulent. -n One that is not authentic or genuine; a counterfeit, impostor, or sham. Faking: v.    1.  To contrive and present as genuine; counterfeit.  2. To pretend; feign.

Sham.  Feign.  Pretend.  Make Believe.  Put up a front.  Bluff.

I do all of those things every day.  Today was was hardest bout with faking it to date.

I had a dental appointment at 7am.  I like that my dental office has convenient hours.  I also adore my dentist, and the receptionist there is a friend of a friend.  It is usually a fun experience, or as about as fun as a dental cleaning can be.  I had my check up, with a REALLY perky new hygienist and I had zero cavities in these pearly whites.  I even got a pink tooth brush:



Everything was coming up roses.  My teeth looked great, it is Friday, and I have lots of good stuff planned this weekend.  I stopped at the desk to show off my new tooth brush to the reception ladies and have a quick chat.  They asked how my dog was and I filled them in on her impending surgery.  Of course the dreaded question came up:  "When are you and Robert going to have kids?!"

 ::FAIL::

I gave them one of my carbon copy answers and I thought I had side swept that punch, but they came back with an outta-nowhere-uppercut:  "Well don't wait too long!  You are going to be too good of a mom to wait!  Hurry up, huh?!" 

Seriously? 

 Why would you say that to somebody?   I realize that you don't know my situation, but why would you say that to anybody?  I am sure my face got red and I could feel my cheeks get hot.  I knew I was on the verge of losing it.  I muttered a quick "thanks" and made a lame excuse to hightail it out of there.

I made it to my car in the parking lot, and then I couldn't hold the tears anymore.  I had a nice cry on my way to work.  Sometimes I think you just feel better after a long, hard cry.  I always feel refreshed, in a way.  I have been in a funk this week.  I know it goes in phases, and this is just a bummer phase, but I can't wait for it to pass.  I try so unbelievably hard not to let things like that get me down, but I couldn't be that tough today.

Instead, I was a sham, a counterfeit, a faker.

~Courtney