I could have slept for a zillion more hours

Here I am, back at work. Another week is upon us. I am dragging butt today. Robert spent most of the weekend snoring and then I was up early to start Sunday dinner yesterday so I feel like I barely slept.
I am adjusting slightly to the Metformin. I am still only taking it at night but starting Wednesday, I will start taking a half tab in the morning in addition to my nighttime dose. And of course, my favorite overly helpful coworker and attorney extraordinaire Lynn, has decided one way to help is to have me eat 10 prunes a day. Yep. 10 of them. Now, I actually like prunes, one or two of them. I find eating 10 of them is pretty difficult. Thank goodness I brought soy nuts today to cut the prune-yness. Blech.

The weekend was pretty good. Dan and I went estate/rummage saling on Saturday. The first few were busts, but then we found some Japanese wood bowls that we can use for entertaining and a meat mallet that is hot pink! I couldn't pass it up! And it was $.50! WIN.
We were driving home and saw a sign for another rummage sale. It was on the way so we decided to stop... pretty sure this old guy was a crazed serial killer. He had a bunch of girl's bathing suits, dirty pillow cases, and the most random assortment of crap. Like these little delights:



Seriously? Donald Trump had a game? Weird. And this aerobic chick? Apparently she was big on "General Hospital" in the '80's. HAWT.

Sunday was pretty mellow. Robert mowed, I cooked a big roast dinner, Dan and I watched "Iron Man 2" and vegged with the dog. My dog is an 8 year old Pitbull named Eve, and she is my little honey. She is the opposite of what people think pitbulls are. She is loving, and wonderful, and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I mean, come on! Look at that face:

Hopefully the work day goes fast and I can get outta here and relax tonight. Mondays are hectic at work and today is no exception. I am cranking the Ipod way up today. Thank God for David Coverdale....

~Courtney

A little visitor

Friday! Friday! Friday!

I am seriously thrilled that the weekend has decided to show up. I am in dire need of some R & R. This Metformin makes me seriously queasy and I am not loving it.
My friend Lynnae came up for a visit from Iowa. She gave birth to a little boy named Aubrey (yea I know.. I am not too fond of the name for a boy either...) and he is so stinking adorable!
He is only 2 1/2 weeks old and quite the snuggler. They came to my work today to visit during lunch! I could have snuggled him all day!

I mean, really??? Look at that handsome devil! I couldn't even put him down to have the picture taken, I had Lynnae do it! I was just too excited.

Of course, yes, it did make my uterus skip a beat. Actually, I am pretty sure I had uterine arrhythmia. It definitely makes you yearn. But I most definitely enjoyed our lunch time canoodle.

Well, I am going to TGIF to the fullest today and grill some burgers. Sounds good right?

~Courtney

And so it begins

Morning all,

Can I just say, that I am so freaking nauseated this morning? I started the Metformin and oh my goodness... no wonder they say that you lose weight while taking it. I feel so sick that I am literally drinking a 52 ounce glass of ginger ale.
I woke up at 3:30 in the morning and felt like I was sucker punched in the stomach. I have never felt a wave of nausea like that. It came on suddenly and with a purpose. I shot out of bed and basically hung out in the bathroom for a while. I took some anti-nausea syrup and was able to sleep for a few minutes.
I told myself that no matter how hard this got, I would continue to live my life. I pulled myself out of bed when my alarm went off and got ready for work like I normally do, albeit slightly slower. And now here I am, at work. I won't let this icky thing win. I will push through and continue the best I can.
I have a zillion things to do this morning so I am going to have to get going. Hopefully the nausea subsides.
~Courtney

Finally... some peace.

I woke up this morning, and actually felt at peace and rested.  I guess I didn't realize how worried I was about this fertility issue.  Learning of my hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) and my insulin resistance, has really made my entire life make sense.  I have spent the better part of a year, working out, dieting, and basically trying to cut my excess tummy weight.  I have never had the best of luck with it, and now knowing this new information, I can finally start accomplishing my goals.  When someone is insulin resistant, it makes cutting the weight very difficult.  Hopefully with the Metformin, I can finally look as healthy as I feel.
The doctor said this could have been diagnosed when I was 14 and the first cysts were discovered.  Better late than never I guess. 
Going to Dr. Sebastian has finally given me hope and piece of mind.  I feel like there is hope now.  I know God has a plan for Robert and I and I know He will bless us with a beautiful child.

I am really glad that Robert and I told dad and Sandy what was going on.  It is such a relief to have someone to talk to and celebrate this small victory with.  I know they are really positive about this and considering this good news.  I know for most people, PCOS is a huge blow to them and they think their options are closed, but that couldn't be farther from the truth.  There is a lot of things one can do to combat this gnarly issue.  I am hoping that I can get to know more women struggling with this same issue and possibly help them.  I think most people take having children for granted.  I would think that  people would appreciate the gift of life.  For some of us, it is not easy and the fact that there are people everywhere taking it for granted, makes me irritated.
I guess I am rambling slightly this morning, but just forgive me.  I am kind of giddy about my options and about finally sleeping through the night!  I feel like I could run a marathon!  OK, not a marathon, more like a 5K, but still..... I feel great nonetheless......
~Courtney 

Update: Blood Work

How do doctors seriously expect you to be patient? I have been on pins and needles, waiting for Dr. Sebastian's office to call.
Well, when my phone was lacking on the ringing department, I just sucked it up and called.
First off, his nurse is wonderful. I am sure she was irritated that I busted up her planned afternoon and wanted to horn in on my results.
So here is what I know:
My estrogen and progesterone levels are extremely low, which is why there has been no successful buns in the oven and why I couldn't sustain the implantation from last month.
My hemoglobin A1C is in the normal range.
My insulin level was off. My doctor told me that from the ultrasound, I could have the poly cystic ovary syndrome, which I mentioned before. The insulin level suggested that PCOS was the culprit of my infertility. I am a little bummed out that there is an actual barrier to my family expansion, but it is nice to actually have an explanation.
Our first part of out attack plan is to start me on a drug called Metformin. Metformin is a drug that is usually prescribed to treat type 2 diabetes but it is also used to treat PCOS, which is caused by an insulin resistance.
Then, I need to go back in between day 2-4 of my cycle to have another internal ultrasound and see what is going on with those ding dang cysts! I already scheduled that appointment for Oct. 18th. My cycle has been pretty regular so that should be about day 3 of my cycle.
After the ultrasound, I will be starting on either Clomid or Leprozole.
I can already tell that this will be a crazy ride, but I am willing to take it. I will take all the good thoughts I can get right now!
~Courtney

Weekend and the appointment

Oh my goodness! It has been a few days since my last post and I have so much to tell you!

I had a spectacular weekend! Robert and I went with my family to the Apple Fest on Saturday. It is my favorite weekend of the year. I mean, any excuse to eat cheese curds is OK in my book. I got a new purse, walked around, and really enjoyed the nice fall weather.
Sunday I went to my cousin Joshua's soccer game. They were playing the in championship.... and... THEY WON 1st PLACE! He was so proud and it was nice to see all the kids so excited about their accomplishment.
I am sure you are all waiting in suspense about yesterday. Well, I actually feel bad about being so worried.
I barely slept Sunday night in anticipation. My stomach was in knots and my brain was going a mile a minute.
When morning rolled around, I seriously felt like my feet were stuck in cold molasses. I just could not get the energy to move very fast. It was like my subconscious was waiting until the last possible second before I actually had to leave the house. And of course, in true Courtney Anna fashion, I had to make sure my outfit and hair was just right. I had to tease, curl, spray, accessorise, the whole chimichanga.
When I got there, the receptionist checked me and I then I had to do my least favorite thing; hurry up and wait. UGH.
When my name was called, I felt like I was going to dry heave. I knew I had to put my big girl pants on and get this done.
The waiting room smelled like rubbing alcohol and socks. I nervously played Frozen Bubble on my phone before I heard the knock on the door.
Dr. Sebastian came in and sat down. I was nervous and shaking but I was actually holding it together. That was until he started talking.
"So, you and your husband want to be pregnant and it just isn't happening huh?"
Cue the waterworks.
I started to bawl my eyes out and I expected him to just try to get me stop and let's carry on with the appointment, but he did the opposite. He reassured me that he was going to everything he could to make this happen for me and it was OK to cry and that I had nothing to worry about.
What?
So he isn't this big, scary male gyno guy that I had dreaded for weeks? Was I starting to like him? Well sheesh.
He made me feel so comfortable and safe, and I didn't realize how much I actually needed that.
I was actually surprisingly comfortable during the exam too! Weird.
He decided to do an internal ultrasound, which is about as fun as it sounds.
There is a cyst on my left ovary, which I already knew was there. He wants to double check that and I will be tested for Poly Cystic Ovary (PCOD). It is fairly common and easy to treat. We aren't certain that is what it is, but at least it is nice to have an idea.
He drew some blood to check my estrogen/progesterone levels and to see if I am pregnant. I should get those results back today.
If I am pregnant, then great.
If not, then I would go back during the start of my cycle to see if the cyst has gone down at all. Then, he would start me on a round of fertility medications; either Clomid or Leprozole. The chances of multiples are higher with these medicines, but I am OK with that. At this point, I will do what it takes.
I left the appointment feeling better than I had in months. I felt at peace and finally like I was making headway.
Robert is being very supportive and nice with me. He rubbed my back last night and was just as excited about the results as I was.
So, I will hear about the blood tests today and either way, there will be forward motion.
I am keeping up the positivity today!
~Courtney

Why do they always ask that?

Morning,

Why do people ask inappropriate questions?  And maybe not even in appropriate, but really personal questions.
Like I told you last night, Helen and I went shopping  in preparation for our girls night out.  And I did get an adorable outfit by the way!  I think I am going to look pretty smokin' tonight.  Anyhow, we ran into a friend of mine that I used to work with.  She is such a great girl.  She went through a messy divorce and has become even more cynical than she already had been.  We were making jokes and having a good time, when the dreaded question came up; "So when are you guys gonna have babies?"
Wah, wah, wah.
I have been asked that numerous times. Usually I make one of the following snide remarks:
"Us? Kids? Not right now!" ::insert awkward, forced laugh here::
"Maybe soon. We are just so busy."
"Oh please, and ruin this size 16 body?"
"Do you know how expensive kids are?!"

But this time was different. Ever since the miscarriage, that question feels like a TKO punch to my uterus. I would gladly take kids now, I welcome a busy life, how much more could I ruin a size 16 body, and I don't give two flying hoots about the money. I just want to be a good mother.

Once I got over the urge to toss my cookies, I just looked at her and said, "We are working on it. We had a rough month last month so...." She got the picture. I am sure she felt bad about asking, and I really hate that. I wish one of the lame excuses I give were actually true. I wish I didn't want this so badly, then it would make not having it all the more easy.

I did have a great time shopping shopping with Helen and getting a whole new outfit for tonight. (hide the receipts from Robert! haha) And I do have an amazing weekend to look forward to. Girls night tonight and Applefest with my family and friends tomorrow. I am sure I will be wiped out on Sunday.
We have 4 more days until Dr. Sebastian.......
~Courtney