Feeling lost

Morning ladies.

I regret to inform you that I am not my usual, witty scribe today.  I have had a not-so fantastic week and I am feeling a little lost.  I pride myself in my ability to stay positive, not to worry, and to dig down deep and find strength you didn't know you had.  The whole time we were trying to conceive, and then Sully's surgeries, we always lived by the saying, "You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only option."  Well, that is true... but I am feeling very overwhelmed.

Warning: Pity Party about to commence.

We have one outstanding bill left with Children's.  Granted, the bill is only $1,500 and that is minuscule compared to what we could have paid, but it is $1,500 that we just don't have right now.  I tried to work out a payment plan with them yesterday, but they won't take anything less than $100 a month, and I just can't do that.  After basically stifling my cries talking to the payment department, I ended the call and sat and cried in my office.  A short while later, I got a call from another financial guy and he says to me, "Wow, you guys have been through a lot, huh?"  Um.. is that all you called me for?!  You don't think I know that!?  He must have sensed that I was really not in the mood, so he back tracked and said that he wants to see if there is any more help they can give us on the bill.  Also, he said that just because Children's won't set up an officially payment plan, as long as we send something, they won't send the bill to collections.  I guess that is a piece of good news.  Robert and I have worked hard for our perfect credit and I am really not inclined to flush it down the drain.

My other pea under my mattress is Sully's doctor wants us to meet with a PT next month if Sully isn't cruising.  Now, Sully is not yet "pulling up" to stand and cruising.  He crawls, sits, talks like an 18 month old, and everything else, but the doctor wants him pulling up.  While I understand that yes, perhaps he *should* be doing those things, do people forget that he had to spend 6 weeks with limited mobility TWICE?!  How about we take a sawzall and cut your breast plate open not once, but two times, and then see how good you feel!  For everything he has been through, Sully is a freakin' champ! I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it did. We basically have a month to get him to pull up of some physical therapist is going to come in and "access" him.  Ya know, I want people to just leave my child alone.  I really do. 

Also, I don't want to be a hypocrite, because I tell people all the time not to worry about it so I am just going to say, MONEY SUCKS.

Lastly, to end my crap-tastic day yesterday, I came home to a water main break on my street and no water!  Yep.. awesome.  No water until the MORNING.  I had to send Robert to the grocery store to grab a couple gallons of drinking/hand washing/teeth brushing water and some organic food pouches for Sully.  I was planning on making Sully food last night, but that was not gonna happen.  I ended up putting Sully to bed and then crying in my bed for a good twenty minutes before passing out cold at about 8:30pm.

Thank goodness it's Friday.  I need a break. 

Thanks for putting up with the vent.  I needed it.

Courtney