Dear Sully

Dear Sullivan James,

I cannot believe how fast these four months have flown by.  It seems like just the other day I was running down to the man cave to show your Daddy the BFP.  It seems like minutes ago that I was laying on that operating table, and hearing your big, beautiful cry.  But, it seems like a lifetime ago that we were sitting in our room at Children's waiting for you to go on that big, scary operating table. Time seemed to stand still during those days.  Now they are once again zooming past me and we are gearing up to do that all over again.

I always knew that there was a second surgery coming and that we were kind of living in this state of limbo until then.  The white, Gortex shunt you have now is just a temporary fix and that this surgery would be the actual solution.  I know that it is going to be scary.  And it is probably going to hurt, but I promise I will be there every step of the way.  I promise I will try and be tough for you, but even Mama gets scared too.  I don't want them to have to slice your perfectly healed chest again.  I don't want to see you sedated and intubated again.  I just want this to be over.  I want you to be all better and this state of limbo to be done.

We're tough though, huh buddy?  We have that good, Finnlander stock and we are made of steel. 

I looked at you this morning after your morning bottle, and you were just snoozing away.  I love you so much.  You are the air in my lungs and the reason my heart beats.  You are such an outstanding little boy and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life watching you grow and explore. 

You are four months old today.  These have been the most rewarding and fantastic four months of my life.  I promise to give you these best life I possibly can and make sure you feel loved, appreciated and safe every day I am walking this earth. 

Mama and Daddy love you so much Stinky Monster Bear... :-)

Happy Four Months Pal!

Mama