Waving the white flag

Hello and happy Thursday to all.  I would like to start off with something to get you to chuckle this morning.  I was so tired because Mr. Sullivan James is going through yet another growth spurt, which means he is up about 1am to chug a bottle.  Ergo, when Mama's alarm goes off at 5am, she is exhausted. 
When my phone started screaming for me to wake up, I all but crawled into the bathroom this morning for a shower.  I felt like an extra on "28 Days Later."  I turned the shower on and flung myself in; only to almost fall to my death when I tripped on a water plane and rubber ducky from Sully's tubby last night.  So graceful...
In other news, I have waved the white flag and conceded in the war of breast feeding.  Most of you know that I have dealt with a low supply and I have been pumping my tatas like a psycho since Sully was born in November. I swear, my nipples are forever going to look like the torpedos from the Super Mario Bros. games.
Anyhow, Sully has been eating a ton more and my ladies couldn't keep up.  With the stress of going back to work and everything else, it was making my milk decrease further.  I was pumping 8 times a day and getting maybe 10 ounces.  Sully can pound that in less than 2 ounces.
We knew my milk was decreasing so we have been giving Sully half and half bottles and he seems to be tolerating it just fine.  He originally didn't like formula at all, but the first full formula bottle we gave him, he chugged like an all star.  He has had zero problems with it.  Formula is definitely more expensive than breast feeding though!  Wow! 

I will say, I felt horribly guilty the first day.  I cried and cried and thought about how I was failing Sully and my boobs were failing me.  I googled everything about formula feeding.  I was a mess.  I could barely drag myself to make the full formula bottles, knowing it wasn't the way I had wanted to feed him.

::Cut to the very next day::

Guilt?  What guilt?  Sully was sleeping just fine and I had my body back.  After 2 years of fertility treatments, 37 weeks or pregnancy and almost 8 months of pumping, it was an amazing sense of freedom!  I was me again.  Albeit a flabbier, stretch-markier me, but me nonetheless!  Sully is also now eat 2 meals a day of baby food that I make, so he isn't eating 6 or 7 bottles anymore. He eats about 4 bottles now, depending on the day.  He loves yogurt, oatmeal, nectarines and blueberries. He hates all veggies unless I hide them in his fruit. Mr. Sully James is definitely an eater. :-)

I am proud that after all the adversity, I was able to pump as long as I did and keep him on breast milk for 7 months.  I was able to pump through a life flight, two open heart surgeries and all the recovery time.  That's quite a feat.  I will try the breast feeding again should God bless us with a sibling for Sully down the line, but I will be sure not to be so hard on myself next time. :-)

CourtneyAnna