Sunday Funday

Hello all,

This weekend was pretty awesome. My roommate Dan was out of town so Robert and I had the house to ourselves. Having a roommate is wonderful, but it is nice to have a little alone time. Robert and I stopped by the RedBox and got a few movies, picked up some steaks, and had a wonderful date night last night. It was so nice to get that quality time.

We woke up this morning and it was all about winterization of the Kile compound. I called in reinforcements, a.k.a my baby brothers. Nick is 21, and a solider in the US Army. I am proud of him daily. Joel is 18 and the spitting image of me. He is in college, and doing what he is supposed to do. He makes me proud every day as well.
I started the day with making a huge vat of spaghetti sauce. I pride myself on my cooking and food is always a good bribe to get the boys to come and help!
When the boys got here, they got all the windows caulked and plasticed. The house is now ready for anything the Minnesota winter wants to throw at us. We had a great meal. Lots of jokes, talking, and a all around nice vibe. But I couldn't shake this nagging feeling, like something was missing. I knew exactly what it was.

I suppose this is where I tell you that I love to be needed. I love cooking big meals, cleaning up, packing away the left overs, making my husband's lunch, and making sure all the people in my life are taken care of. It is what I do. I think my brothers see that part in me and make it really easy for me to take care of them. That's why I know that nagging feeling is me wanting to be a mother. When I do the dishes, I think of what it would be like for Robert to be letting the dog outside, me telling the kids to get out of the kitchen while I clean, basically living the dream I so desperately want. Sometimes it is hard to pretend that these little things don't get me down, but I have gotten very good at hiding it.

This day was amazing and I couldn't love my family more. I guess I would only hope to share the immense amount of love that I have, with a child. I know it will happen, but sometimes I still get down.
I hope my brothers know how much them needing me is really making me feel appreciated and needed. Thanks boys.

Tomorrow is Monday, which means I am 1 week away from my appointment with the specialist. Hopefully my anxiety calms before then.
Love,
Courtney