Breastfeeding: The Saga

I have recently joined the Pail Blogroll and the lovely Elphaba thought it would be an awesome idea to have a monthly theme and this month, it is breastfeeding.  I have written a post about low milk supply, but I am kind of excited to share with you my whole breastfeeding debacle.
I always knew I wanted to breastfeed.  I wanted to have that connection with my child.  I wanted to make sure he was getting the best nutrition.  I didn't want him to have processed food.  I wanted that moment of when he was pushed from my loins, for the nurses to triumphantly put my baby on my chest and I would unleash this breast full of sustenance for my offspring and we would gallantly feed until he was a year old.  Of course as we have all learned in the IF community, nothing goes as planned. As you know, Sullivan was born three weeks early via an emergency c-section and then life flighted to Minneapolis for open heart surgery.  Not exactly the loin pushing heart felt moment I had envisioned.

Not exactly in my birth plan.

For the first few days of his life, Sully was receiving IV fluids as food.  Now, when I got to Children's, they gave me a hospital grade pump to use while I was there to pump the colostrum and freeze it so I could give it to Sully after the surgery and so on.  I was a pumping fool.  I barely got anything the first few times and I think it is because I didn't really know how to use the pump properly.  The lactation consultant at the hospital I delivered at was a complete waste of space and the pump she brought me was from the 1970's.  I was glad I got some advice from Sully's admitting nurse, but I was almost embarrassed to ask questions because I felt like I should know this stuff.  I remember sitting in our room at the Ronald McDonald house and crying the first time I actually saw milk being pumped out.  I felt like I had just stormed the beaches at Normandy and taken on a 500 person army single handedly and won.  I put a label on it and actually looked forward to pumping again in two hours. 
When Sully was 4 days old, I was able to try and give him a bottle.  They knew I wanted to nurse, but it was more important to have Sully to learn how to eat and even though I was bummed, he was more important.  The first bottle they gave him was Pedialyte.  He took to it immediately and I was so proud.  They told us that most babies have to stay in the hospital longer because they don't know how to eat, but Sully was a champ.  In fact, he did so well, that for his next feeding, they put my breast milk in his nasal gastric tube.  We alternated feedings in the NG tube and my breast milk in a bottle for about a day. They we strictly bottled him and he was a pro.  He ate and ounce and a half on day 6.  It was such a relief.  The nurses knew how important it was for me to pump and to have breast milk for Sully so they wrote a prescription for a high grade breast pump so my insurance would cover the cost. SCORE! 

The only downside was that cardiac infants sometimes have a hard time gaining weight, so as we were planning our departure from the hospital, we were told that we would have to supplement Sullivan's formula.  Breast milk contains 20 calories per ounce.  In order to ensure weight gain, we had to add a few teaspoons of formula to make the milk that he was drinking, 24 calories an ounce.  It added up to 3 teaspoons of formula per 8 ounces of breast milk.  We were released from the hospital 6 days post op, when Sully was 9 days old.
Sully was putting on weight amazingly and we were able to stop the supplement and just go to straight breast milk.  I bawled like a baby that day.  It was what I had always wanted.  We had been trying to put Sully to breast because we were told that there was a chance he would nurse, but that it was slim because he had to be bottled right away and he didn't get to eat for the the first 4 days of his life.  I tried and tried but Sully would latch, give a few sucks and then get frustrated and just want to eat.  Sometimes I would get really lucky, and he would nurse for two minutes.  Those were huge victories.  One time, he even nursed for 20 minutes and was satisfied for TWO WHOLE hours!  I called my mom and cried and jumped up and down and even put a picture on facebook about our accomplishment.  I continued to try and nurse, but eventually, Sullivan just was like, "Forget this.  I am hungry.  Bring on the bottle."  As bummed as I was to have to stop nursing, I was still happy that he was getting breast milk because I was a pumping fool.  I was able to keep up with his needs and I was happy about that.  I didn't have a huge supply and only four bottles in the stock pile in the freezer, but I didn't think that was too shabby.

Cut to me going back to work.

Sully is four months old now and drinks four ounce bottles.  What can I say, he is an oinker.  The first day of daycare, I had pulled some bottles out of the freezer and freshly pumped ones and sent five of his four ounce bottles to daycare. After a few days, we realized he drank 3-4 bottles at daycare and that was all I needed to send. I started to realize that my lower supply was starting to be a problem now.  I was barely making enough to send to daycare and for him to eat at home.  One night, we ran out of breast milk completely.  My boobs were dry, it was 2am and Sully was screaming for food.  Through a face full of tears, I made a straight formula bottle.  I sobbed as I tried to feed it to him and he flat out refused.  He wouldn't take it.  Robert tried.  I tried.  I tried to nurse him.  Nothing.  I tried pumping again and barely squeezed out 2 ounces.  Luckily, he ate that and wore himself out. 

I tried taking the Fenugreek, but all that did was give me horrible gas.  I am also drinking the Mother's Milk tea and that seems to be helping.  I am also pumping 8 times a day, Yep, 8 times.  Including four freakin' times at work.  It is pretty awesome.  I have been able to send enough milk to daycare and for at home, but every once in a while, I have to make him a half and half bottle of 2 ounces breast milk and 2 ounces formula so I can catch up on my supply.  I used to get really down on myself when I had to do that and cry and feel like a failure, but I just can't do that.  Sully is eating, he is still getting just breast milk 90% of the time and I am doing the best I can.  That is really the only thing us mamas can do;  the best we can.  We try with all we got and sometimes, things don't work out the way we want. 

Hang in there everyone; the saga continues....

CourtneyAnna