October 15

Good morning ladies.  Not that anyone is this circle would go past this day without remembering everything we have been through, but today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.   I wish none of us had to go through everything we had.  I wish no babies were born sleeping.  I wish no one had to look down and see blood.  I wish none of the sadness was a reality. 

I could go on forever, but to be honest, this topic makes me incredibly depressed.  Don't get me wrong, IF and loss have made me the person I am today.  I feel I am stronger for it, but I am still suffering some severe anxiety issues and this makes it worse.  I still check on Sully multiple times a night and can't help but feel anxious all the time.  I am hoping this goes away, but I don't foresee that happening any time soon.  I pray every night for God to help me get the nervousness out of my heart, but even though what I have been through has shaped me, it has also made me cynical and worrisome.

I am extending a big hug and prayers to my friends that have been through what I have been through and to all the mamas whose babies were born sleeping.

"You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only option."

While we will never forget, we have to remember that life goes on.  We can't dwell on the sadness.  Don't let the darkness overshadow the amazing light.

I don't even feel like I can form a complete thought today. 

Thinking of you all today.

Courtney