Evening everyone!
I am being kind of a lazy butt today and I wasn't going to post until tomorrow but I have so much to tell that I didn't think I could fit it all in!
I had my hystosalpingogram on Wednesday. All I can say is that anyone who thinks that does not hurt, must have their nerve endings deadened from being so stupid. That was THE most painful thing that has ever happened to me thus far in my 25 years on this planet. Number one, the nurse who was there with me, was a complete pain in the ass. She was crabby and rude and I wasn't really having that. Second, the room was like something out an alien movie. It looked like they were going to remove my spleen to sell it on the black market.
Dr. Sebastian was as gentle as he could possibly be, but as my luck would have it, my right fallopian tube was 100% blocked. They were able to remove the blockage completely, which I realize is a good thing, but man alive! That hurt so incredibly bad! I am not really a crier when it comes to pain, but I was bawling like a baby. To make matters worse, when I stood up off the table, I gushed blood all the way down to my feet! I had to have the nurse's aid scrub the blood off the bottoms of my feet. It was mortifying. Dr. S did say that he would be surprised if I did not get pregnant this cycle. I appreciate his support, but I just can't allow myself to get all excited about it. I don't want to get my hopes up and then be crushed again. But if you can keep your fingers crossed and send your prayers my way, I would appreciate it!
On to Christmas:
Ahhh.... my favorite holiday. I absolutely adore Christmas and I really did it big this year. As you know, I hosted this year. I spent all day on Friday cleaning, and cooking, and setting up the house just perfect. We had our table dressed with gold chargers, lined with red and gold Christmas balls, and all of our home cooked food was displayed beautifully. And and I proud to report that my first ham turned out DELICIOUSLY! I was so happy! It was moist and yummy! Having all of my brothers and their girlfriends here was so special. I had to stop myself from crying more than once! We had dinner, opened presents, played the dice game, and had the all important iChat with my parents. Sandymom was teary eyed, of course. She really missed us. Both my dad and Sandymom were excited to see us all together.
In the early evening, the kids took off to do girlfriend family things, and Dan, Robert, my youngest brother Joel and I hung out and relaxed the rest of the evening. I make some CDs, iTunes'd, and snacked on ham.
Christmas day we went to my mom and Ken's. Ken made smiley face pancakes; my favorite. We opened presents, watched movies, and then went to my grandma's. My grandma makes the BEST ham in 5 counties. I always look forward to it. This is the first year that my whole family has been together in over 20 years.
My uncle Glenn is home from Colorado. He went through a rough divorce, and it battling with alcoholism. He is currently in out patient treatment and is sober. We are all very proud of him. My cousin Joshua, who is 10, said grace at dinner this year. He is a very sensitive kid and has the most kind soul. After we all said our normal grace, Joshua said, "And thank you God for bringing Uncle Glenn home and please help guide him on life's new journey." There was not a dry eye at the table. He is such a great kid. My uncle appreciated it so much. It made Christmas really special to have us all together.
Sunday was spent on my butt. I had been running around for weeks so it was nice to take a day and sit in my pajamas. I watched 4 movies, looked at the paper, watched the hockey game, and went to bed early. Obviously I needed it because I slept like a rock!! Haha
Speaking of hockey, the game is on and it is tied at the end of the 2nd period, so I better pay attention! Back to work tomorrow.... :-(
~Courtney
Monday, December 27, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Walkin' in a winter wonderland.
Well, it is blizzard like conditions here in good old Northern Minnesota. It took Robert and I over an hour to dig out the vehicles. LAME. I am praying our office closes early since the weather is predicting to add 10 more inches to the already foot of snow we have on the ground.
I had a pretty decent weekend. Helen came over on Saturday afternoon. We made my Granny's Snowy Fudge and some Oreo Truffles. They both turned out DELICIOUS! My Granny used to make me Snowy Fudge for Christmas every year. It is this wonderful peanut butter fudge that is awesomely sweet and always tasted amazing because my Granny made it. When she passed away in 2008, the thought of it really bummed me out. I miss her immensely. I decided that since I was hosting Christmas for my brothers this year, I should try my hand at making some. It came out PERFECTLY. It looked and tasted just like Granny's.
I had a pretty decent weekend. Helen came over on Saturday afternoon. We made my Granny's Snowy Fudge and some Oreo Truffles. They both turned out DELICIOUS! My Granny used to make me Snowy Fudge for Christmas every year. It is this wonderful peanut butter fudge that is awesomely sweet and always tasted amazing because my Granny made it. When she passed away in 2008, the thought of it really bummed me out. I miss her immensely. I decided that since I was hosting Christmas for my brothers this year, I should try my hand at making some. It came out PERFECTLY. It looked and tasted just like Granny's.
As you can see, me and my brothers tore into it. Guess I will just have to make more for Christmas Eve! :-)
This weekend was special because I also got to see the kids. I have not seen G and Bean since May 30th. This is the longest I have ever gone without seeing them. I won't go into the whole long drawn out story, since I already spilled my guts about that on a previous post, but I have missed those two so much.
Dan and I were out delivering Christmas goodies and I decided to bite the bullet and drop off the kid's Christmas presents.
I tried to bring them to my aunt's house, but no one was home. I figured my cousin would be out and about so I could just drop them off in her porch. Well, surprise surprise. They were home. I felt queasy as I knocked on the door.
E was surprised to see me, but was very cordial. She called the kids downstairs and they were so surprised. They both jumped up and gave me huge hugs. It took every ounce of strength in my body not to cry. And then Bean says to me, "Are you taking us today?" UGH.
Gut punch.
I wished I was taking them with me. I would have loved to pack them up and see a movie, and play video games, and get some ice cream. "No," I told her. "Not today. Hopefully soon."
I watched them open their gifts, and made menial small chat with E. I wished them all a Merry Christmas and got the tightest hugs in the world from the kids. I almost lost it when I heard them yell, "I love you!" I could barely choke out an "I love you too...."
I made it to the car and that is when the flood gates opened. I sobbed so hard my chest rocked. Thank goodness Dan was there to comfort me or I would have been a mess. I am sure the kids know I love and miss them with every fiber of my being.
I spent the rest of Sunday getting the Christmas plan together, and watching movies. It was nice to have some R & R time with my honey.
I have a short work week this week and my hystosalpingogram tomorrow. I am kind of antsy about it. I have had so many things poked and prodded lately that it is starting to wear on me. Some big wig reproductive endocrinologist from the Mayo is coming to participate. I just love being a medical anomaly.... not.
I also want to send out lots of hugs and positiveness to my friend B. She lost her dog this week and I want to make sure she gets lots of hugs!
Have a good week everyone. :-)
~Courtney
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Just my luck.
Defective.
That is how I feel sometimes. Like I am damaged, but the thing is, I can't be returned for a new model; or refurbished to work better. I am sure you are wondering what brought this on....
I received my fertility monitor yesterday. I was so excited. I could finally begin this new step in our TTC journey. The way these monitors work is that you put in the batteries and then you don't turn it on or set the monitor until you want to set "the window." The window the the 6 hour time frame in the morning that you will need to perform a test. I am up relatively early, so I was going to push the button at 6am this morning, which meant I could test between 3am and 9am on the days the monitor required a test.
I spent a good hour or so last night studying the manual, making sure I knew exactly how it would work, and getting very excited to try it out. I woke up this morning, put the batteries in, and hit the "ON" button. The light flashed like it said and then some random icons popped up, and it immediately shut off. Uh... OK, let's try that again. So I pushed the "ON" button again. Same thing. "Well WTF?" I thought to myself. I just assumed I was doing it wrong and decided to call the company helpline. I talked to a Dierdre at customer service and she determined that the icons that were popping up were alerting me that the unit was in fact, defective. REALLY?! Of course it is another road block. Of course, the unit is defective. Only happens to me, I swear!
I contacted Amazon.com and they are sending me a new one, and hopefully it works properly. I know this isn't really a major issue, but it is just another thing that doesn't go right. And especially when you are having difficulties TTC, you feel like a complete failure sometimes. Like all these other women are just getting knocked up left and right, and I can't. Like there is something wrong with me. Isn't it my God given right to have kids? Forget the right to bear arms, I want to bear children!
Amazon assures me that the new monitor will arrive tomorrow. Let's hope they are right.
~Courtney
That is how I feel sometimes. Like I am damaged, but the thing is, I can't be returned for a new model; or refurbished to work better. I am sure you are wondering what brought this on....
I received my fertility monitor yesterday. I was so excited. I could finally begin this new step in our TTC journey. The way these monitors work is that you put in the batteries and then you don't turn it on or set the monitor until you want to set "the window." The window the the 6 hour time frame in the morning that you will need to perform a test. I am up relatively early, so I was going to push the button at 6am this morning, which meant I could test between 3am and 9am on the days the monitor required a test.
I spent a good hour or so last night studying the manual, making sure I knew exactly how it would work, and getting very excited to try it out. I woke up this morning, put the batteries in, and hit the "ON" button. The light flashed like it said and then some random icons popped up, and it immediately shut off. Uh... OK, let's try that again. So I pushed the "ON" button again. Same thing. "Well WTF?" I thought to myself. I just assumed I was doing it wrong and decided to call the company helpline. I talked to a Dierdre at customer service and she determined that the icons that were popping up were alerting me that the unit was in fact, defective. REALLY?! Of course it is another road block. Of course, the unit is defective. Only happens to me, I swear!
I contacted Amazon.com and they are sending me a new one, and hopefully it works properly. I know this isn't really a major issue, but it is just another thing that doesn't go right. And especially when you are having difficulties TTC, you feel like a complete failure sometimes. Like all these other women are just getting knocked up left and right, and I can't. Like there is something wrong with me. Isn't it my God given right to have kids? Forget the right to bear arms, I want to bear children!
Amazon assures me that the new monitor will arrive tomorrow. Let's hope they are right.
~Courtney
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Are you deaf?
What a complete pain in the butt.
So, I got word that I have all this money in my FSA that I need to spend before the year is out. OK, great. Then, I found out that the fertility monitor that Dr. S wants me to buy is covered. Even more great.
I spent all day Sunday going to Target, Walgreens, Walmart, everywhere, looking for it. No one sells it in stores.
So when I got home, I went online and tried to buy it there. For some reason, my flex card kept getting denied. ANNOYING.
When I got to work yesterday, I asked our CFO if she knew anything about why my card was declined online. She said she would check on it. I got an email about 20 minutes later, that the card company requests that I call them. OK FINE.
I call the company and I get this overly bubbly woman to deal with. She asks me what I was trying to do. I told her I was attempting to buy a fertility monitor and it was being denied. I don't know if she just wasn't listening to me, or just wanting to be a pain, but she was like, "What were you trying to buy?" I say again, "a fertility monitor." "What?" Oh my gosh really..... "IT IS A FERTILITY MONITOR."
I felt like I had shouted the words to her. I loved announcing to all those near me that I have a failing womb. Thanks lady.
She then checked and yes, lo and behold, it is covered (I file that under "Things I already knew for $500, Alex.")
I did find out that I would have to pay for it and request a reimbursement. Fine. I had already planned for that.
As I am about to end the call with Senorita Pain is the Ass, she says, "Hey, so what is this monitor supposed to do then?" Um... no. We are not having this conversation. Is she really asking me this right now? As my first reaction was to let this broad have it with both barrels, I bit my tongue and said, "It helps chart and show ovulation. Thanks for your help."
End call.
I hate that fact that these companies feel like they can just ask you anything they want. If it is covered, and it is MY employee contributions into the flex, it is NUNYA. Thanks lady.
On a good note though, I found the monitor on Amazon for like $80 cheaper AND I bough an extra box of test sticks AND I got free 2 day shipping. Bonus. Thank God, considering I need to start using it on the 17th.
I suppose I better open the office and get this day on the road. Have a good Tuesday!
~Courtney
So, I got word that I have all this money in my FSA that I need to spend before the year is out. OK, great. Then, I found out that the fertility monitor that Dr. S wants me to buy is covered. Even more great.
I spent all day Sunday going to Target, Walgreens, Walmart, everywhere, looking for it. No one sells it in stores.
So when I got home, I went online and tried to buy it there. For some reason, my flex card kept getting denied. ANNOYING.
When I got to work yesterday, I asked our CFO if she knew anything about why my card was declined online. She said she would check on it. I got an email about 20 minutes later, that the card company requests that I call them. OK FINE.
I call the company and I get this overly bubbly woman to deal with. She asks me what I was trying to do. I told her I was attempting to buy a fertility monitor and it was being denied. I don't know if she just wasn't listening to me, or just wanting to be a pain, but she was like, "What were you trying to buy?" I say again, "a fertility monitor." "What?" Oh my gosh really..... "IT IS A FERTILITY MONITOR."
I felt like I had shouted the words to her. I loved announcing to all those near me that I have a failing womb. Thanks lady.
She then checked and yes, lo and behold, it is covered (I file that under "Things I already knew for $500, Alex.")
I did find out that I would have to pay for it and request a reimbursement. Fine. I had already planned for that.
As I am about to end the call with Senorita Pain is the Ass, she says, "Hey, so what is this monitor supposed to do then?" Um... no. We are not having this conversation. Is she really asking me this right now? As my first reaction was to let this broad have it with both barrels, I bit my tongue and said, "It helps chart and show ovulation. Thanks for your help."
End call.
I hate that fact that these companies feel like they can just ask you anything they want. If it is covered, and it is MY employee contributions into the flex, it is NUNYA. Thanks lady.
On a good note though, I found the monitor on Amazon for like $80 cheaper AND I bough an extra box of test sticks AND I got free 2 day shipping. Bonus. Thank God, considering I need to start using it on the 17th.
I suppose I better open the office and get this day on the road. Have a good Tuesday!
~Courtney
Monday, December 13, 2010
Baby it's cold outside
Cold is an understatement. It is absolutely FRIGID outside today! I love when my state makes the national news because a town not too far from me is -32 degrees today. Thanks International Falls! I was bundled up like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man this morning. Wool sweater, parka, ear muffs, gloves, and a scarf. I could barely put my stinkin' arms down!
We were supposed to get a snowmageddon type blizzard this weekend but then, out of sheer luck, the snow went right below us. Whew! I really didn't want 20 inches of snow. Minneapolis on the other hand... they got a wallop! The snow was so bad that it collapsed the roof of the Metrodome! I can't believe I survived a Sunday without watching football.
Robert and I got the rest of our Christmas shopping done. It was so cold yesterday, but I had to fight through it! I got my sister some pajamas from Vickie's (it is so fun shopping for someone who is an extra small.... not) I got my mom her gift card, and my brothers and their girlfriends some gift cards, made my Christmas food shopping list, wrapped some presents, and then watched the Wild lose miserably to the Ducks.
So, Dr. Sebastian told me to get this fertility monitor that is supposed to help and track my hormone levels. It is Clear Blue Easy and it is like $200. Now, I am not worried about the cost and I just found out I have over $300 in my flex I need to burn through until the end of the year. I thought to myself, "OK awesome. I will just go pick one up and I can use it this cycle." Negative. Not Walgreens, not Walmart, not Target; no one carries it. You have to order it online, but of course your flex card won't work online because of the shipping charge! UGH! I don't want to have to do a paper reimbursement before Christmas! That defeats the whole purpose of a flex card!! Grr. I am going to call Sebastian today and see if he knows where there are some in town or else I am just going to have to wing it.
Another busy Monday is off to a crazy start. Have a good Monday everyone!
We were supposed to get a snowmageddon type blizzard this weekend but then, out of sheer luck, the snow went right below us. Whew! I really didn't want 20 inches of snow. Minneapolis on the other hand... they got a wallop! The snow was so bad that it collapsed the roof of the Metrodome! I can't believe I survived a Sunday without watching football.
Robert and I got the rest of our Christmas shopping done. It was so cold yesterday, but I had to fight through it! I got my sister some pajamas from Vickie's (it is so fun shopping for someone who is an extra small.... not) I got my mom her gift card, and my brothers and their girlfriends some gift cards, made my Christmas food shopping list, wrapped some presents, and then watched the Wild lose miserably to the Ducks.
So, Dr. Sebastian told me to get this fertility monitor that is supposed to help and track my hormone levels. It is Clear Blue Easy and it is like $200. Now, I am not worried about the cost and I just found out I have over $300 in my flex I need to burn through until the end of the year. I thought to myself, "OK awesome. I will just go pick one up and I can use it this cycle." Negative. Not Walgreens, not Walmart, not Target; no one carries it. You have to order it online, but of course your flex card won't work online because of the shipping charge! UGH! I don't want to have to do a paper reimbursement before Christmas! That defeats the whole purpose of a flex card!! Grr. I am going to call Sebastian today and see if he knows where there are some in town or else I am just going to have to wing it.
Another busy Monday is off to a crazy start. Have a good Monday everyone!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Let's get mushy
Hey guys!
So, work has been kind of slow today, which I am totally OK with. I needed a little break. I am teetering on a burn out.
With everything going on lately, I am realizing more and more, how luck I am to have such an amazing husband. Some girls get straddled with these complete losers and I am lucky enough to be blessed with Robert.
Earlier today, I was having a rough day because a client was giving me a hard time and I was talking to Robert about it and I got an email from him with the lyrics to, "When I'm 64" by the Beatles. It was so sweet that I teared up. It is an amazing feeling to be loved so wholly and completely.
When we got married, our song was "Finally Forever" by Chris Cornell, and obviously the inspiration for my blog name. It is such an amazing song and I just love it. It always brings me back to the day that I became a Mrs. to the best man in the world.
On the silent night so out of place
I almost lost my nerve
When I saw you walk into my space
A woman like you I could not replace
And it took some patience to catch your eye
Patience to win your heart
Now it feels like I don't have to worry at all
It's finally forever
There's no hill I would not climb for you
No bridge I wouldn't cross
Not a moment passes in my life
That you're not on my mind
Together or apart
And it took some patience to catch your eye
Patience to win your heart
Now it feels like I don't have to worry at all
It's finally forever
Anytime you're lost
Anywhere you're found
Anytime you want
I will be around
Anywhere you seek
Anywhere you stand
Anytime you fall
Anywhere you limp
Even if you break
Anytime I can I will be there for you
I know that you'll understand
You'll understand
Now I never would have imagined this
So I thank my lucky stars
As I see you in your wedding dress
Never would have guessed you'd fill my open arms
And it took some patience to catch your eye
Patience to win your heart
Now it feels like I don't have to worry at all
Yeah it feels like I don't have to worry at all
Yeah it feels like I don't have to worry at all
It's finally forever
Finally forever
Isn't that just beautiful? I just love my husband and I am so grateful that I will have him by my side as long as I walk on this earth. I am sending lots of love and positivity into this world.
Have an amazing weekend everyone! We are getting a blizzard here so I am cuddling in with that outstanding husband of mine and snuggling all weekend!
~Courtney
So, work has been kind of slow today, which I am totally OK with. I needed a little break. I am teetering on a burn out.
With everything going on lately, I am realizing more and more, how luck I am to have such an amazing husband. Some girls get straddled with these complete losers and I am lucky enough to be blessed with Robert.
Earlier today, I was having a rough day because a client was giving me a hard time and I was talking to Robert about it and I got an email from him with the lyrics to, "When I'm 64" by the Beatles. It was so sweet that I teared up. It is an amazing feeling to be loved so wholly and completely.
When we got married, our song was "Finally Forever" by Chris Cornell, and obviously the inspiration for my blog name. It is such an amazing song and I just love it. It always brings me back to the day that I became a Mrs. to the best man in the world.
On the silent night so out of place
I almost lost my nerve
When I saw you walk into my space
A woman like you I could not replace
And it took some patience to catch your eye
Patience to win your heart
Now it feels like I don't have to worry at all
It's finally forever
There's no hill I would not climb for you
No bridge I wouldn't cross
Not a moment passes in my life
That you're not on my mind
Together or apart
And it took some patience to catch your eye
Patience to win your heart
Now it feels like I don't have to worry at all
It's finally forever
Anytime you're lost
Anywhere you're found
Anytime you want
I will be around
Anywhere you seek
Anywhere you stand
Anytime you fall
Anywhere you limp
Even if you break
Anytime I can I will be there for you
I know that you'll understand
You'll understand
Now I never would have imagined this
So I thank my lucky stars
As I see you in your wedding dress
Never would have guessed you'd fill my open arms
And it took some patience to catch your eye
Patience to win your heart
Now it feels like I don't have to worry at all
Yeah it feels like I don't have to worry at all
Yeah it feels like I don't have to worry at all
It's finally forever
Finally forever
Isn't that just beautiful? I just love my husband and I am so grateful that I will have him by my side as long as I walk on this earth. I am sending lots of love and positivity into this world.
Have an amazing weekend everyone! We are getting a blizzard here so I am cuddling in with that outstanding husband of mine and snuggling all weekend!
~Courtney
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Finally some good news!
Whew. I can finally breathe a slight sigh of relief! I had my appointment with Dr. S this morning, and to say I was anxious about it would be the understatement of the century. I could barely sleep. Then I was fidgety all morning. I just kept thinking to myself, "Please, please, please. This HAS to be the day that I can finally get a step forward instead of all these giant leaps back."
When I got to his office, I just had a good feeling. I can't really explain it, but it was very calming. The nurse came and got me and I was taken to my usual room. How sad is that? I am there so much that I have a "usual" room. Any how, Doc came in with his handy, dandy internal ultrasound and we started the exam. I don't think I will get over how uncomfortable those things are. I felt like he was going to poke it out of my belly button!
I was barely breathing, thinking he was going to say, "the cyst is still a behemoth. Take some more birth control." But then it came. SUCCESS! My cyst had shrunk to nearly nothing and I could start the Letrozole next week! I can't fully tell you how amazing that moment was. I just cried out of sheer joy. I finally felt like we were getting somewhere.
After I hopped off the table and got dressed, he came in to discuss the plan. I am going to start the Letrozole next week, during my cycle, and then on Dec. 22, I go in for a hysterosalpingogram. What a mouth full huh? Basically, they are going to put a catheter in my lady station and give my fallopian tubes a little dye rinse. Like a radiator flush for the lady business. It is going to be rather painful I am told, but I am willing to do anything. And besides, I get a pregnancy test that morning so if I am pregnant by the 22nd, who knows! Maybe I won't even need it! I am trying to stay really positive here. Then I have another appointment on the 29th for a post coital ultrasound. Fun. Needless to say, Robert is not going to like the uber scheduled sex. "Wake up honey! It is sex-thirty!"
I am really trying to stay optimistic here. This is the first round of good news I have had. It also made it so nice when I called my dad and he was so happy. He said it made it day. That statement completely made my day as well. Love you, Dad.
So everyone out there, keep your fingers crossed, your prayers prayin', and your good vibes coming!
~Courtney
When I got to his office, I just had a good feeling. I can't really explain it, but it was very calming. The nurse came and got me and I was taken to my usual room. How sad is that? I am there so much that I have a "usual" room. Any how, Doc came in with his handy, dandy internal ultrasound and we started the exam. I don't think I will get over how uncomfortable those things are. I felt like he was going to poke it out of my belly button!
I was barely breathing, thinking he was going to say, "the cyst is still a behemoth. Take some more birth control." But then it came. SUCCESS! My cyst had shrunk to nearly nothing and I could start the Letrozole next week! I can't fully tell you how amazing that moment was. I just cried out of sheer joy. I finally felt like we were getting somewhere.
After I hopped off the table and got dressed, he came in to discuss the plan. I am going to start the Letrozole next week, during my cycle, and then on Dec. 22, I go in for a hysterosalpingogram. What a mouth full huh? Basically, they are going to put a catheter in my lady station and give my fallopian tubes a little dye rinse. Like a radiator flush for the lady business. It is going to be rather painful I am told, but I am willing to do anything. And besides, I get a pregnancy test that morning so if I am pregnant by the 22nd, who knows! Maybe I won't even need it! I am trying to stay really positive here. Then I have another appointment on the 29th for a post coital ultrasound. Fun. Needless to say, Robert is not going to like the uber scheduled sex. "Wake up honey! It is sex-thirty!"
I am really trying to stay optimistic here. This is the first round of good news I have had. It also made it so nice when I called my dad and he was so happy. He said it made it day. That statement completely made my day as well. Love you, Dad.
So everyone out there, keep your fingers crossed, your prayers prayin', and your good vibes coming!
~Courtney
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