Inspiration

I have been feeling a little down lately.  I am sure it is the hormones or stress.  Nonetheless, I needed a little pick me up.  I have been listening to a TON of hair band music, dancing around my office, and searching my emails for a little laugh.

I stumbled upon an unnamed document on my desktop and when I opened it, it was "Oh The Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss... in it's entirety.  I read through it and it gave me such a warm feeling.  While I am aware that it is a child's book, it just gave me a little boost.  On that note, I am paying it forward and giving you all a little boost.  Enjoy!!

Oh The Places You'll Go!

By: Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!  Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.  You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.

And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”

With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!



Crappy Weather Blues

Right now, my city is in a BLIZZARD warning.  It is supposed to start snowing at 6pm tonight and drop 10-19 inches of snow in less than twnety-four hours.  Oh yea, and with wind gusts of 50 mph.  Awesome.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that the office will be closed tomorrow.
One can dream right?

I have been kind of an emotional wreck since last week.  Robert and I had one round of the fertility drugs and homrones left and since it was my birthday month, we are trying them.  Anyhow, they are making me totally weepy.  On Friday night, Robert and I were snuggling in bed and I was starting to fall asleep so he decided to head to the den and play some games.  For some odd reason, I just burst into tears.  The tears turned into sobs and before you knew it, I was a complete bawling loser.  Poor Robert sat with me for like a half hour, until I got my shit together.  It was not my finest moment.  I know he completely understands, but it makes be feel like a complete tool.

After my little meltdown, I was determined to have a better rest of the weekend.  On Saturday morning, I grabbed the mail out of the mailbox and threw up in my mouth a little.  Target had sent me a HUGE magzine that said, "Hey Courtney!  You have been married for 2 years now!  Have you guys thought about baby?!"

::WHAT IN THE MOTHER EFF??::

It was like a freakin' hundred page magazine about all the baby crap you could possible want to buy!  (including the dark wood crib, dresser and changing table that I desperately want.)
After I came back to earth and wiped the look of shock and awe off my face, I showed the magazine to Robert.
He looked at my sideways and tried to gauge my reaction.  We both laughed it off.  Was I really gonna let Target send me into a tailspin?! Well... almost... I did sit and glance longingly at the magainze.  I was imagining all the things I would need to get when Robert and I finally got our sticky baby.

On a happy note, one of the IF ladie's blog I follow got a BFP the other day.  She has an appt with her OB today, so I am on pins and needles waiting.  It is always exciting when an IF lady gets her long awaited BFP.  I am praying all goes smoothly for her!

I suppose I better pack up my desk in case snow-mageddon traps me at home tomorrow.  I am keeping my fingers crossed for a snow day!  I want to sit and eat green beans and watch NetFlix!  BOO YA!

I am one step closer to thirty.

I am still coming to terms with the fact that I am closer to 30 now than I am to 20.   This is just a giant stack of crazy pants.
My birthday was phenomenal.  I was showering with presents and Dan and Robert made me a delicious sauteed shrimp, roasted asparagus, and crusty Italian bread for dinner last night.  I didn't have to lift a finger.  I was pampered to the fullest.  Robert gave me a back rub, and a foot rub and they were wonderful!
We had a delicious cake made by How Sweet It Is.  The owner, Eileen and I are really good friends.  She made the cakes for my wedding and it was so yummy that she has done like 20 more cakes for us since!
She made me the most decadent cake ever this year!  It was a dark chocolate cake with layer of French buttercream and chocolate mousse, frosted in chocolate buttercream, drizzled in chocolate ganache, and lined with run and cherry filled cordials... pure perfection:



So here I am.  Twenty six years old.  What a giant stack of crazy pants. 

And now Helen has called me and I have completely lost my train of though so I guess I am outta here...

Have a good rest of the day!



And she said, "Sorry for the delay folks..."

Baby is finally here.

Not for us obviously, but for our wonderful friends I have been telling you about.  My friend Meghan went into labor on Thursday and went to the hospital.  We all thought this was it, but she got sent home.  She went to the hospital and was sent home four times!  On the fourth time, she told the doctors that she wasn't going to come back until her water broke. 
Friday was her due date and it came and went.  We had been constantly texting back and forth and I was checking up on her. 

Saturday evening at 5:30pm, I got the text:  My water broke and I am going to the hospital. 

Oh, I definitely cried.  I was so happy for her.  What an amazing round of feelings she must have had.

I checked in every few hours to check progress.  I went to bed at midnight and baby still hadn't made an appearance.  This kid was on it's own schedule.  I told Tyler to still text me so I would wake up in the morning and see it.  They hadn't known the sex of the baby so it was going to be a big surprise. 

When I woke up at 7am yesterday morning, my text alert light was blinking. 
Lily MaryAnn born at 6:21am.  8lbs 14 oz and 21 inches long.  It's a girl!

Cue more tears.  I couldn't wait to see her.  Meghan rested up and we decided to go there at 2pm.  I pretty much ran up the sidewalk to the hospital.  We stopped and got her some pink flowers, and took the longest elevator ride ever.
When we got to the room, Meg looked outstanding.  She was glowing, her hair looked great and she had this look on her face of pure joy and contentment.  It was really nice to see.  They had lots of family there and I was only able to steal a quick moment with Lily.  She was perfect.  Soft little feet, dreamy look on her face, and swaddled up all safe and sound.  Isn't she precious?



I smelled her head and gave her back to mama.  Of course that familiar lump built simultaneously in my throat and uterus, but I was able to keep them somewhat at bay.  Here is the new little family:



As I have told you before, I have a pretty amazing husband.  He knew I was bumming out and decided to take me out to a nice lunch and basically dote on me for the rest of the day.  He was really sweet and supportive.  I definitely needed that.

Thoughts of babies and pregnancies and everything else imaginable ran through my head last night.  I could barely sleep.  This morning when I got to work, I was proudly showing off pictures of Lily to my coworkers; the newest member of our circle of friends.  When I got to Lynn's office to show her, she didn't seem that enthused.  So I said with a smile, "Let me guess.... not a mushy baby type?"
Lynn looked at me with such a heartfelt look in her eyes and said, "It's not that.  I'm just feeling badly for how hard this must be on you."
She really understands me and really knows how this IF thing has effected me.  Though you may never see it, Thanks Lynn.

I am thrilled to get to spend time with a new little baby.  Lily is just wonderful and I can't wait to spoil her.
I am supposed to ovulate tonight so I am starting on the progesterone today and I will take it until I either get AF or a BFP.  Let's hope it is the latter... mmmkay?

Hope everyone has a good week!

Party time, Excellent

It's my party and I'll dance if I want to, dance if I want to, dance it I want to!

Did I ever mention that I am totally in love with my birthday?  I love everything about a day that revolves completely around me.  And yes, I am completely aware that my birthday isn't until Tuesday, but we are having our first party tonight at Debbiemom and Ken's,  We are grilling some steaks and Eileen made me and awesome cake.  I will post pics of it later. :-)
I am going to crack a bottle of wine and just relax tonight.

I am a little spastic today and work has been a little crazy so this is going to be short, but I have to show you a cool picture.
Some of you may know that my brother Nick is in the Army and on May 23rd, he will be deploying from Camp Ripley and going overseas.  I am heartbroken about him leaving, but he is so excited to be a part of the military and I am so beyond proud of him.  Dad and Sandymom are flying in from North Carolina for the deployment ceremony and I am taking off a week from work when they come so we can all hang out and spend time together. 
I wanted Nick to know for sure that we were so proud of him so I decided to order some shirts for me and Sandymom to wear to the deployment.  Here they are:



They are pretty rad.  Sandymom loves hers too.  I am sure they will be soaked with tears after I say goodbye to my baby brother though. :-(

Well, I am off to my birthday party.  Have a good weekend all!

Who has 2 thumbs and is a winner?! THIS GIRL

Everyone always says it is the little things in life; and I am taking that credo and putting it to good use.
I have met a lot of other ladies in my same situation with IF and who also have miscarried.  Knowing I am not alone, and having them to talk to, has been my saving grace.  The blog I have been following the longest is written by a women named Kristin.  She lost her baby, Stevie, when she was about 25 weeks along.  I started following her blog about a week after Stevie died.  It was absolutely heart breaking to read.  There were plenty of times when I would log into my computer in the morning to check out all the blogs and I would get to hers and be a complete sobbing mess. 

Now, instead of Kristin wallowing in self pity and basically shutting out the world for the rest of her life, she dusted herself off and got to work.  She and another friend started Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope.  It is a website that connects babyloss moms, IF moms, and anyone struggling with this gut wrenching problem.  She wanted to raise awareness and get our voices heard.  They even had the 1000 faces campaign to get 1000 women to let their voices be heard.  I am proud to say that I am face 821. :-)

Kristin has really inspired other women and been a champion for her cause.  Recently, her blog (which can be read here) reached over 400 followers!  She decided to spread the joy and do a giveaway of awesome prizes.  The way to enter was simple: comment on the post about something that makes you happy.  Easy enough, I thought.  So I commented, "Crimping my hair and dancing my living room to "Pump up the Jam" makes me happy."
After a laughing at my utter dorkiness, I thought about it more.  I commented again,
"Being able to say CONGRATS and mean it to 10 of my friends who have given birth after my loss; without crying... makes me happy."
Saying those words and realizing how far I have come, brought that old, familiar lump in my throat.

Kristin chose the winners randomly and announced them on her blog yesterday.  Out of 176 comments..... I won a 3 month certificate for NetFlix!  Seriously?  I never win anything!  I was beyond pumped.  I mean, winning a rad prize really makes Mondays suck less. 
Thank you so much Kristin for all you do.  I know I speak for others in our "community" that you have truly been a huge help. :-)

To add to my already Monday of rock star proportions, when Robert picked my up, he was just grinning away.  You might remember that Robert started his new job just a short three weeks ago.  Well, the partners in the firm have been meeting and they are ALREADY talking about paying him even MORE money.  I guess they are just blown away with him.  Not that I am surprised.... my husband is amazing.  Everything is really falling into place for us.  It is my birthday in one week and everyone knows I love a day that revolves around me. :-)

Sorry if this post rambled a bit.  I am still excited about my NetFlix!  I hope everyone has a great Tuesday!

~Courtney

I need a vacation

I would like to tell you that I am going to write something outstanding and prolific this morning; but it ain't gonna happen. 

I have one cycle of Letrozole and hormones left and since March is my birthday month, Robert and I decided to give it a try.  Every time I take the pills and hormones, I become a complete emotional wreck.  I can literally cry at the drop of a hat.  In fact, I was getting ready for work this morning and since I had already done my make up, I decided to watch Law and Order: SVU.  That show has never made me cry and Christopher Meloni is massive, tough talking eye candy.

I really should have read my DVR description of the episode better because at the end of the kick butt episode, Stabler's wife gets into a car accident and goes into labor.  Really?  Out of the 11 seasons of SVU, I happen to watch the one about a miracle baby?  Gimme a break.  I cried off most of my make up so I had to touch up my face totally.  I basically had to spackle it on to cover up the the puffiness from my impromptu sobfest.  I should just stick to "Die Hard".  John McClane wouldn't weep like a wienie.  Yippie Ki-Yay Mother F**ker!

  On a good note, Robert and I went to Minneapolis to see the in laws and on Saturday I drove out to Hudson to see my sister Lisa and my niece Isabel.  My sister is going through some tough times with her husband, and it has been nice to be able to turn to each other.  She knows I am here to listen and not pass judgements, and I know she does the same for me. 
My niece is my pride and joy.  She is so funny and smart and way to wise beyond her years.  I love the time I get to spend with her.  Isabel is really auntie's diva!



We went to Chipotle for lunch and I stopped to get a car charger for my phone.  I am one of those people that is Smart Phone dependent.  I can't drive anywhere unknown without my navigation.  Besides, there was a small storm, and blowing snow everywhere.  It was quite the treacherous drive.  There were like ten accidents on I-94 and I had to come to a dead stop like three or four times on the drive back.  My nerves were frazzled by the time I reached my in laws.  

We went out for a nice lobster dinner and then over to his brother's house for a few cocktails. 

We got home in the early afternoon on Sunday and I went to help Joel move in to his new place.  Things are looking good!

And it is my birthday in less than two weeks!  I really love my birthday.... can you tell? :-)

Cross your finger and send prayers my way.  Maybe I will get my birthday wish of a "sticky baby!"

Have a good Thursday!

~Courtney